Good morning, 🍋drops!

I am typically a very happy person. I've worked very hard to find the joy in everyday life. And it took me a really long time to get there. That's why I try to help others who are maybe in a slump or just starting out who may need the guidance and inspiration, motivation.

That being said, I'm not feeling very great right now emotionally. I've had a very hard punch to the gut and I'm having a ard time dealing with it. I thought I had the perfect marriage, but all along my husband had been harboring this big secret that happened not 6 months into our marriage.

I am completely heartbroken, shattered to pieces and I don't know how I can stay in a marriage that was quite literally built on infidelity and secrets and lies and this whole time I had absolutely no idea. I feel....stupid. I feel like a fool. I feel like the foundation of our marriage, that very first year, had cracks in it that I never saw until the house started shifting and settling and now there's no hope for repair. It's condemned. My trust is broken and I know I can never look at him the same way again bc all I will see is him with another woman.

Every time he is on his phone, I'm going to wonder who he's talking to or texting. Every time he leaves, I'm going to wonder who he's seeing. Every time he goes to sleep, I'm going to wonder who he's dreaming of. And I can't escape that anxiety and mistrust.

He tried to say I was blowing it out of proportion, that it happened so long ago, but for me it just happened the other day when I was told about it. I did tell him I wanted a divorce. And I did hesitate to think if I was acting in haste, but this morning, I feel the same way. If I could be angry, that would be so much easier, but instead I'm very hurt and heartbroken. I will never be able to allow him to touch me again without cringing. I will never be able to trust him again. And that's no marriage to be in. Infidelity is grounds for divorce biblically and legally.

I have to stand my ground. I have to be strong for my kids...and for myself. I may forgive eventually, but it'll never be the same. I'll never be able to forget.

I've went thru a lot in my lifetime, since childhood -- things that would make you cringe and vomit. But I survived. I always survived. I always persevered. I thought he was different. I thought he was my saving grace, my knight in shining armor. Turns out he was just another devil in disguise.

I'm sorry to be putting all of this out there, but maybe someone else is going thru a similar situation and needs guidance. My best advice: be strong and stand your ground. You are worth more, you deserve better.

Oh, and btw -- what do you think of the new banquette?

#embracevulnerability #depressedspouse #standyourground #infidelity #divorce #Lemon8