Coping with healing - 2 weeks after

The days seem to have gotten better and much more bearable. I haven't had any crazy rage or ugly crying episodes so that is good as well. I'm currently in a space of love and support from my family, friends and the awesome ladies here in Lemon8. I'm thankful.

I've been learning to trust again. It started from being suspicious about everything to now simply voicing out concerns about what I was feeling at that particular moment. The times when I have no visibility over what he is doing scares me. I wonder if he would be texting those girls again, but instead of letting myself go into an anxious state, I chose to talk about it and trust that Alan won't be doing something stupid. It is difficult, but I can choose how I was going to respond to the situation.

Take today for example. I was all prepared for my interview since days ago. But just an hour prior to my interview, I started feeling anxious for no particular reason. I reminded myself to breathe through the panic attack that was setting in and while driving, I told myself I could choose the outcome. I could go to the interview and be scared and nervous, or I could get my shit together and do my best. I chose to do my best. It was an awesome interview and when I came out, I had a cheery heart. I was beginning to feel bits and pieces of the old me being put together again. I felt a joy I haven't felt in a while and for the first time in a long long time - I saw a wee bit of light beckoning me. It seems to be the end of the tunnel. I'm no where near the exit, but at least, there's hope. A hope for a better me, a better future. A future that is promising and happy.

For my heartbroken friends who are still struggling to see the light - Have courage. Know that you are not alone. You have a choice. You can choose the outcome of how your day is going to turn out. How your hour is going to turn out. If a day is too difficult, take it one hour at a time. If that is also so difficult, breathe and try to get through the next 15 mins without hurting yourself. Close your eyes, and breathe deeply. Take slow breaths and tell yourself that you are enough. You are powerful. You are not broken. You are a warrior. You are strong.

I'm just a DM away. Don't try to do this alone.

#healing

#healingjourney

#Lemon8Diary

#GirlTalk

#infidelity