Lost. Defeated. 😞😞

Ever since I graduated from poly 1.5 years ago, l've felt quite lost in life. Life seems meaningless, and i’ve been stressing about everything including my verbally abusive family. I've been working part-time since I was 15 to support myself—covering my own expenses, necessities, and school fees. At 16, I seriously wanted to K-word myself due to everything happening at home, and to make things worse, my dad even encouraged it and said to my mother: “you think she dare?”.

The environment at home has never been conducive, so l often had to stay at school or find other places to study, do my own things, or kill time by working. There were even times when the police knocked on our door because neighbors reported how loud things got at home. I ran away from home when I was 17. All of this forced me to become independent and rely solely on myself. My friends often tell me to explore different activities to figure out what I want to pursue in the future. I used to have the thought of, "Why even go to university?" But l've since realized that completing your studies is important, even if the degree might not directly relate to your future career.

After completing my internship in January 2023, I decided to take a gap year and continued working at the internship company. I wasn't sure what degree to pursue, and I also needed to save up for university. I ended up leaving the job in June 2024 due to personal reasons. During my time there, I discovered a passion for something I worked on, which led me to apply for a university course that aligned with it. However, it was an extremely popular course, and unfortunately, I didn't get in. I was quite dejected because I had finally found something I wanted to pursue in. I also feel like I might have made a mistake by applying to just one university, but that course was the only one I was truly interested in after all my research.

So here I am, currently unemployed and taking a second gap year. Over the past 1.5 years, l've been traveling to different countries, and I've been enjoying life quite a bit 😗. l've even considered becoming a flight attendant since I love travelling, but I also know that travelling for work is very different from travelling for vacation. So, now I'm back to feeling lost again... But I believe everything happens for a reason, and I'm grateful for the experiences that have shaped me into who I am today. Maybe I'll just find another job soon and work until l reapply for university next year 🥲. For anyone going through a similar situation, jiayous! We can get through this ❤️