Having kids in my 30s instead of in my 20s?

Hello! It’s C&J once again. Today we want to talk about something that has been weighing heavy in my (C, female) heart.

For context,

C: Female, currently 27yo

J: Male, currently 29yo

⭐️ “When are you getting married and having kids?”

This has been a question that we have been asked quite a lot of times.. yes, we have been engaged for almost 2 years now but we are not having our wedding anytime soon, much less having kids.

I think it takes a lot of consideration to decide when exactly do we want to have kids. A few years back, I was determined to start giving birth when I’m 27 (which is exactly NOW, in 2024). But I’m no where near ready.

Our 🏡 is only ready in another 2-3 years time and I am currently serving my bond which ends in 2 years time so I’m unable to switch my career/ leave the industry. J is also currently dabbling in a new industry after leaving his job last July. Both of our jobs require long hours. I’m talking about 12-13 hours a day and we also work on the weekends. 😭

Yes, my plan is breaking into pieces. I wanted to give birth when I’m 27, just like how my mum gave birth to me when she was 27. I thought that this age gap would be perfect. J wants 5 kids (someone scold him pls…). I told him no money no talk LMAO! But let’s be honest here. Am I supposed to be giving birth till I’m near 40yo?

With all these, J and I have discussed and we thought that we will most likely only start having kids when I’m 30. We know it’s not ideal and my body has a time limit when it comes to childbirth but we have no space; physically, mentally and financially to have a kid in our lives right now. As sad as it sounds, we are prioritising our careers right now and I have an elderly grandfather to care for (which takes up a lot of time, money and mental capacity).

I don’t think that I’m ready to have kids/ give birth in my 20s. Am I going to harm my future child? What if it’s too late then to have a child? What if I cannot be a cool mum because of the greater age gap? I have so many concerns and worries but I know that I am currently incapable to have a kid… I still want to travel the world with J, I want to live in a peaceful house of our own before we have kids and everything turns into a living nightmare.

Maybe I’m selfish but I have been living my life for everyone; my dad, my grandfather and even my mum. All I want is to start living for myself, to care for myself and put myself first before I have a kid. Is that too much to ask for? I guess all I’m asking for is PEACE and STABILITY for J and I before we are ready to welcome children into our lives…

We love kids and we want kids. We have been taking care of kids (Mostly J). But there’s a saying, you love taking care of kids until it’s your own that you’re talking about 😂

Let me know what do y’all think! 💕

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