💫 4 REAL reasons why ppl get married 💍

As what I’ve mentioned in a previous post Here , marriage is very different from dating. When you’re dating = there’s plenty of anticipation and excitement involved. But, when it comes to marriage= both of you are already bounded by a legal contract (with obligations), so there’s no more ambiguity in your rls with your partner = life goes back to normalcy for most couples~

🤔So, why do ppl get married then? Other than getting that BTO, or having kids, I feel that a marriage should fulfil at least ONE of the following core needs:

1️⃣ For acts of service

This might be controversial, but very real. Take for e.g., you like it when s/he helps you with fixing your computer/ cooks a nice meal after work. These may be tasks that you’re not that fond or adept at doing, and your partner happens to be good at them. So enjoying these acts of service satisfies your core needs.

2️⃣ For growth

Being with your partner helps you to progress in various aspects of your life. This can be in the form of better self-awareness, improved communication skills,inspiring you to pursue your dreams and generally supporting you to become a better version of yourself.

3️⃣ For emotional needs

You may be highly successful in your career and outearn your partner by a huge margin—but s/he is always so sweet,encouraging and supportive towards you whenever you’re down. Or, maybe both of you share the same humour and s/he knows exactly how to cheer you up with an inside joke.

4️⃣ For financial stability

OFC,it is undeniable that some ppl marry because it’s more economically viable to do so. It is more affordable to share the high cost of living (esp in SG) as a couple than to tank everything on your own AKA risk mitigation. Well, you can argue that you’re earning more than $100k per annum and can easily afford a comfortable retirement👏That’s wonderful! But, we have to recognise that not MANY individuals in SG can afford to do so.

🚨Why a marriage fail is bcoz we expect our partner to fulfil ALL OF THE ABOVE 👆🏻

My point is this—it is extremely rare (even HARDER than striking toto first prize) that your spouse can meet ALL 4 types of core needs as stated above. Realistically speaking, if your partner can fulfil just 1 criteria, that’s more than enough ‼️

Yes, it’s normal for us to have all the above needs, and it’s healthy to look for different ways to satisfy those needs rather than expecting your spouse to meet all of them. For e.g. if 💲 is the most important core need to you in a marriage, then don’t expect your spouse to also provide for your emotional needs because s/he will most likely be busy working. Likewise, if you prefer acts of service, then don’t expect your SAH partner to advise you how to grow in your career💡

You should reach out to friends, families and have hobbies to help you meet these secondary needs. Like, sing K with your bestie to fulfil emotional needs or find a work mentor to guide you in your career growth.

🔥TLDR: It is impt to adjust your expectations when it comes to marriage. DO NOT EXPECT YOUR SPOUSE TO MEET ALL OF YOUR NEEDS. Decide which core need is the MOST important to you and ask yourself if your chosen partner helps you to meet that need.

If your partner is unable to meet ANY of the 4 needs above, my question for you is : Why are you still in this relationship? A marriage, simply put, is an exchange of values. If there is nothing left in it for you or your partner, why are both of you still together?

The answer to this question lies within you, and you only. Be very honest with yourself✌️

#mindfulspending #RealTalk #GirlTalk #BeReal #Adulting101