The idea of BTO seems scary.. so how? 🏡

Ok it’s so common for couples to apply a BTO these days when they are not even married, a BTO is like an unofficial proposal by itself LOL… I have several attached friends who haven’t applied for a BTO because they are scared from hearing a lot of “BTO horror stories” such as (seemingly) stable, long-term relationships just break up even after getting a BTO + paid the hefty sum of deposit already = emotional + financial damage

My friends around me have alw been asking me “Denise how are you so ready for a BTO w ur bf? Aren’t u afraid of the risks?” My answer is: Yes, I used to be afraid and super scared but not anymore. —> when my bf first asked me to apply for a BTO, I was 21 and he was 23. I was confused and scared. My bf also mistook my reaction and though I didn’t think that he was “the one” for me. But it obviously WAS NOT TRUE! I was just at the stage where I wasn’t ready for the adulting life or thinking about stuff that are related to settling down + I was still in University 🤡

However, over time, these were some questions I asked myself / factors that reassured me more and became receptive to trying out for a BTO w my bf:

1) WHAT STAGE OF THE R/S ARE WE IN? ARE WE FINANCIALLY READY?

When I was 21, my bf and I have only been tgt for 2 years? It sounds q short esp when we are talking about the EXPENSIVE BTO?? $$$ However, even though the duration of ur rs can be an important factor, I think it’s also crucial to think about the stage your r/s is in in terms of emotional and financial stability.

Emotional stability: Do you feel safe and secure with your partner? Do your values and goals match with each other? Are your vision in the r/s aligned eg. Age that both of you want to settle down, do you want to have kids etc.

Financial stability: Is there at least one of you that is financially stable? For me, my bf was already going to graduate and he alr secured a job. Of course, he wont be paying for everything and we will be sharing the financial burden but at least we know that we can possibly pay some, if not all of the deposit without our pockets being too tight by the time we need to pay our 💸 (since he is alr be working ahead of me)

2) DO I REALLY WANT THIS OR AM I JUST COMPETING IN THE RAT RACE?

I can’t emphasise enough of this but there are so many people who feel obliged to apply for a BTO even though they are not even ready to get one yet. For me, I made sure it’s my own personal choice to get a BTO and not bc I’m just trying to follow what other couples are doing. Singaporeans being singaporeans, we often become super kiasu and don’t want to be seen as “the one lagging behind” Bc of societal pressures, everyone thinks it’s necessary to try for a BTO before getting married.

Please DO NOT do this! Whether you are able to get the BTO or not is a separate matter by itself, but you should only apply for a BTO when both of u are READY. Take ownership of your own relationship and not let external pressures affect you!

3) HOW DO I FEEL WHEN I THINK ABOUT THE FUTURE WITH HIM?

For me, even though i get scared thinking about stuff related to adulting, I get excited when I think about how I would want our future house to look like, how many pets do we want, whether we shud have a gym at home? Etc. and this made me realise how my excitement for our future outweighed the fear I had which is why I decided to go ahead and try for the BTO project! (and being fearful is completely normal esp when this is such a big decision and a huge step in my rs)

4) YOUR PARTNER PLAYS A HUGE ROLE

Needless to say, this is obviously one of the most, if not the most significant part of my decision.

When he saw that I wasn’t ready, even tho he was abit :( but he didn’t try to force me but gave me lots of time to think. We had a talk about it, he understood my concerns and reassured me. Honestly, he’s the one that will alw initiate to talk about our future and it made me less afraid to face it together with him bc the adulting conversations just slowly grew on me as well HAHA and when the guy is the one tat alw talks about ur future together, he’s most likely the one for you 🤪🫶

So I hope my tips will help you to decide whether you are ready for a BTO with your partner! It’s normal to feel scared bc this is such a major decision… just remember to always communicate with your partner and make sure both of your values and goals are aligned 🫶

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