I don't have any friends.

The term "friends" changed a lot during my different phases in life.

In school, having friends were simply just not being alone during lunch or not having to eat by yourself during recess. It was something simple like being able to have someone pick you as their PE teammate or partner. I don't think I struggled relatively hard with it. I had friends that I eat with during recess and I think they stuck around throughout my entire secondary school life. When I reached Junior College, I struggled really hard with it. I was in the science stream and had physics as one of my main subjects. My class were all boys with just 2 other girls. They partnered up and I was left all alone, but I did have friends from my secondary school which I'm very grateful for. They stuck around and kept me company. They ate lunch with me when they had breaks. We went back home together as well. But the rest were pretty difficult for me to deal with.

Now that I've reached a fairly new stage of adulthood, i don't really feel the absence of friends except for times when I want to rant or share something and I look around and realise there's nobody for me to share it with. And it was at those times of loneliness where I felt the true importance of having friends.

To try to untangle this issue, I looked back and I realised I did had friends, I just had trouble maintaining friendships. It takes two to really keep the boat afloat. And I was not one to constantly talk or constantly text. Slowly, we all drift apart. It was sad but I do believe that things happened for reasons. Firstly, were we really friends to begin with?

Most of my friends didn't really borne the best habits - smoking, drinking were a few common habits from them. It was one of the reasons why I drifted apart from them. I didn't feel right. Secondly, did they put in the effort to maintain it as well? After a while of swinging these thoughts back and forth, I realised they also didn't bother to reach out anyway. So it was quite as simple as that, that we all naturally drifted apart. If there's no one paddling, the boat wouldn't move. It will just stay stagnant.

I do feel like friends are important. I wished I had friends. I wished I had someone I could talk things out too. But it was unlucky that this was my case. I hope it won't be the same for you.

Good luck. Bye.