what adulting feels like: stop romanticising life?

it's been about 2 months since i started #adulting proper in my full-time job, and being completely honest i was quite surprised at how badly i was struggling 💀 for context, i had always been working while studying back when i was in uni — be it internships, freelance work or running my own business — so i thought that the transition to full-time work would be smooth, if not easy. but once i started working proper, i realised that i was wrong 🤡

two months in, i'm still struggling kind of — but i've been speaking to friends and mentors who have helped me figure out mini pieces in the whole jigsaw puzzle that's adulting... so here's a couple of nuggets to help anyone on the same path:

01 — 😔 adulting feels kinda lonely

here's the thing: friend circles will grow distant because you're no longer seeing each other everyday, and there may be fewer things you can talk about. yes, you can make friends in the workplace (i've made lots too!) but there'll always be a little barrier because you have to stay professional — and you have to be a tad wary since different people view workplace friendships differently. so it does get lonely sometimes — when you don't have someone to talk to at the end of the day. and even if you do meet your friends on weekends, sometimes you're just drained socially and emotionally.

but that doesn't mean you can't overcome this! here are some things you can try:

✔️ be strategic about your weekends: for me, i take saturdays as a total disconnect me-time, and spend sundays meeting friends / exploring new places! this ensures that i can get the reset i need and recharge by meeting people.

✔️ recognise that being alone doesn't mean you're lonely: if you don't have a friend to talk to, journal! or listen to podcasts and you'll realise that there are many people on the same path as you — sometimes, knowing this is enough to give you some comfort to get through the day.

✔️ get comfortable with yourself: here's one thing that i know will help but i haven't gotten into the habit of yet — if you feel lonely after the work day ends, go for a run and sweat it out; or do something you love! this takes your mind off the fact that you have empty time to kill, and helps you distill what happened in the day.

02 — 🏃 adulting is a marathon, not a sprint

on the topic of running though, i think it's super important to realise that when you're an adult — it's not about short sprints anymore. it's not just 4 years of uni education to go, it's really your entire life panning out from hereon! and there's no set path for you to follow now.

so it's really important to think about how you want to take charge of your life and pace yourself! that said, i think it's impossible for us to clearly know every single thing that we want in life — adulting is afterall, just the beginning.

so i think one way to get started is really thinking about what's important to you, and figuring out how you want to spend your 24 hours everyday! be it juggling work, a new hobby or connecting with friends. at the same time, you're also the guardian of your own time and without deadlines to call out procrastination, it's now also on you to tell yourself to pick up the slack whenever you realise you're falling behind on your goals!

it's really about striking a balance that you can sustain — and that can sustain your wellbeing. to get started, here are some guiding questions:

✔️ what are your top 3 priorities in life right now (for the next quarter)?

✔️ how much time and/or mindspace do you intend to dedicate to each of it every week?

✔️ what are some possible distractions that you will get affected by?

✔️ how do you intend to alleviate that and keep yourself accountable?

03 — 🏋️ expectations is a bi*ch, only if you let it become one

this applies to many things, but i guess i felt it stronger in terms of work — where i felt like i had to get everything done perfectly from day one to prove that i was worthy of my role? but the truth is — yes, people will definitely expect more from you as a full-timer than an intern/student, but that doesn't mean you have to be a superstar from day one. everyone has a learning curve, and you do too for sure!

so here are some important reminders to you (and myself at the same time):

✔️ don't overcompensate and think you need to accelerate just because you're new! take your time to learn, digest and find your way of doing things!

✔️ don't get impatient with yourself if you feel like you're not progressing everyday, truth is you might take two steps forward today, fall two steps back tomorrow — but that's okay, as long as you're learning something from it!

✔️ and here's the thing, you're not just learning what to do - you're also learning what not to do, and that makes you more all-rounded at the end of the day!

04 — 💐 romanticisng isn't always the way to go

i'm sure many of us have seen and probably even created our own "romanticising life" reels — while i used to love doing so, i had a chat with a friend who made me see things from an alternate perspective: while romanticising and focusing on the positives might be good as a coping mechanism, it should only be a temporary measure.

because it's as important for us to acknowledge when we're not at our best - as much as we celebrate our wins. noticing that we're struggling, or realising that you aren't as happy in this role as you thought you'd be is something that shouldn't be swept under the rug.

think about it from this perspective:

✔️ try taking the tough thoughts and discomfort head-on instead so that you can evaluate it: is this something that'll change?

✔️ if it will, when will it change? what do you have to do to change the situation? is it something that'll change with the learning curve or seniority in your role?

✔️ if it won't, why? is it something to do with the culture, your lifestyle, family situation etc? how much longer can you tolerate this?

✔️ and at the end of the day, is it worth it — or are you just carrying on because of sunk cost fallacy or fear of changing?

05 — 💼 it's a lot of hard work for sure

but hey, it's definitely not easy. a wise man once said- ok jk i got this quote literally from jay park on a reality youtube video — but it makes a whole lot of sense. he said: "if you're going to invest a lot of your time, you naturally have to take it seriously and be sincere about it. that's how you don't waste your time." and i really dig this POV. if you've read my turning 23 or starting a new day posts before, i said something similar once. i mentioned that i always felt kinda tired and burnt out doing the things that i did as a workaholic, but at the end of the day — what kept me going continously was the knowledge that i'm building a future for myself.

and i think that core intention is what keeps everyone going:

✔️ the reality is, adulting and life isn't really meant to be easy. nobody has it easy — even those who make living seem effortless and amazing. everyone has their own set of problems to deal with: so there's no point in comparing!

✔️ what's important is knowing that you chose this path for yourself, and you're becoming who you always wanted to be. someone you'd be proud of at the end of the day.

✔️ even if it doesn't seem like it's coming together now, trust me — work hard at it, keep staying accountable to yourself for a day, a week, a month, a quarter — and you'll feel it.

i'll end off with my favourite motto: "你的努力正在為你累積幸福“ translated, it means that your hard work is earning you joy, blessings and peace in the future — believe in yourself and trust that you'll be the one to bring yourself to where you want to be! that's what adulting really is about i guess: acknowleding the good, the bad, the crazy — and everything that's you.

#Lemon8Lifestyle #lifestyle #lifehacks #advice #Adulting101 #mentalhealth #mindfulness