No kids for us 👶🏻🍼❌

My partner and I are aligned on not having kids since the start of our relationship 3 years ago. While our parents have told us that we would eventually want kids when we are older, here are three reasons why we think it is not likely to happen, especially since we are living in Singapore:

1. High cost of living in Singapore

Singapore is an expensive place to have a child, especially if you take into consideration education fees (eg. tuition fees - i know this isnt a necessity but please read item 3 below). In my view, to be able to decently provide for a child, it is not quite possible to depend on one parent’s income (both my partner and I earn around SG’s median income) and both parents would have to work (which comes with its own set of problems - see item 2).

2. Hectic and unpredictable work schedules

My partner and I both work in the advisory field and our work schedules can be very intense and unpredictable because deadlines are usually tight. Even without having kids, we do not make plans on weekdays as we are not able to predict when we need to OT everyday in advance. If we were to have kids, we would either have to hire a helper (which is not a wise economic decision) or sacrifice sleep (ie settle the kids meals, play with them and put them in bed before start attending to work matters at like 12am), both of which do not seem like sustainable lifestyles.

3. Stressful environment in Singapore (for the parent AND the child)

Singapore’s economy depends heavily on foreign direct investments (FDI) which means that our people will have to remain competitive, knowledgeable and relevant in order to attract FDIs to set up base in Singapore. Hence, having good academic education seems to be provide more opportunities for a secure and decent livelihood. Further, our education system is structured to create a competitive environment (ie streaming students, PSLE at 12 years old to determine if a kid gets to enter a top institution etc). While I acknowledge that the government is putting in measures to mitigate this, the improvements seem to be incremental at best.

I’ve had first-hand experience on how stressful it could be to study in Singapore - getting scolded by parents despite placing 6th in the class because I didnt rank top 40 in cohort and missing out on getting into the best class, full days of tuition on weekends and having no playtime etc, constantly being compared to peers or my brother on academic results. It is painful, and to this day, I still get nightmares about A levels and hold the slightest bit of resentment towards my parents for pushing me so hard academically (even though I know they meant well).

While some may say that I can choose to not to raise my child the same way I was raised, the truth is that it is difficult not to - if I choose to not push my child to do well in school, will they resent me in the future if they do not end up being able to land a decent job? Tbh, If I’m going to be resented either way, I’d rather be resented for pushing my kid to do his best if it provides him/her with more opportinities in the future.

BUT…why do I have to be resented if I can just choose not to have a kid???

Some people might think that it is selfish to not have kids, but I personally think it is more selfish to have a child when you are not able to provide for the child, both financially and emotionally.

Do you share the same thoughts? Let me know in the comments.

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