what does boundaries look like?

Helo, writing this for myself again haha, hope it helps someone out there too! I'm still learning on this journey too so take what resonates and leave what doesn't!

Boundaries... something that wasn't taught to us in school and if you came from a broken family it could be easily overlooked and taken for granted. But this is so so important for our overall well-being, happiness and self-esteem.

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I'm gonna write firstly, about what I went through, a context as to why I'm doing this post. [Also kinda a mini self reflection]

⛔️⚠️(trauma dumping alert, please skip if you dont wanna read it)⚠️⛔️

Family🫧

tdlr, I didn't have the best family dynamics, not gonna go indepth because its personal but both my parents were not super healthy people and there were a lot of chaos. I tip toed around my mum, trying to please her because she seemed to be in alot of pain after the divorce, but as time went on she wasn't the best mum, there were some verbal abuse and me having to fend for myself in multiple situations.

My past relationship experiences🫧

My first love was actually quite healthy but because of the things that were happening in my family.. it kinda fell apart.

I played around for abit because I couldn't commit emotionally and I wanted to explore as well.

And when I healed enough and actually wanted a real relationship, I met alot of emotionally unavailable people, probably because of the above and what continued on in my family as well.

The patterns went on and off for the past 3 years and until recently I kinda woke up haha and realised that enough is enough.

I need to love myself so hard first before I can be in another relationship and attract someone that can actually love me the way i want to be loved.

I need to learn how to set boundaries, enjoy being alone, stop seeing only the good in people and learn how to communicate my needs more.

Friendships🗯

Well at this stage of my life I realised that there are people that you will out grow. At different stages of your life you will enjoy different things.

I had very different life outlooks + life experiences from this group of friends. Their life is quite sheltered and perfect I guess, so they couldn't really relate to me, which I don't blame them but I think this contributed to why I felt left out. To put it bluntly they were treated like princesses in their family and I was an ugly duckling trying to survive in life.

I always felt like I was the one making effort annd chasing them to communicate. I feel like I have to tip toe aeound them and control how I act too.

It was tiring, so I chose to leave, even though i'm a little sad but I feel worst staying in it.

⛔️⚠️- end of dumping - ⚠️⛔️

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How I'm planning to go about this journey of setting boundaries + healing bad patterns 🤔

1. Read more about setting boundaries!!📒

I truely couldn't tell the differences of what was bad for me annd if someone was being toxic when I was younger, because my mum was problematic, I tried to see the good in people only.

Attached a few pictures of what it means to have healthy boundaries as a reminder to myself + anyone out there.

2. Practicing more self care + Journalling📒

Reflecting on my past experiences and making a mental note on what I do not want in my life anymore.

Spending my money on myself and things I love to remind me of how much I love life annd how to be happy alone, so I wouldn't put up with behaviours of people that doesn't serve me anymore. Its this or nothing!! I value and protect my peace and I deserve happiness.

3. Acknowledging what happened, sitting in the discomforts and processing my feelings.🧠

I read quite a lot of therapy books so shutting away feelings is never useful. Journalling, yoga and meditations helped me with this aspect alot.

4. Forgiving myself 💩

I used to blame myself for all the choices I made and I regretted some things I have done. But I know its important to forgive myself, learn and move on to better things. (idw to end up like my mum)

5. Spending time with the people I love and still being open to love.❤

Healing is a constant WIP and I think keeping the right people around is still super important for myself. I'm not gonna shut people out just because I met some shitty people that didn't align with me// whatever has happened to me.

If the above fails im just gonna learn how to be a cat, i think they are very good at setting boundaries from humans 🐱🐱🐈

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And If you read to here, thank you for reading this personal piece. If you are dealing with anything similar, I hope you know you are not alone and its never too late to put yourself first ❤️✨️

And if you have any advices for me leave it in the comments too 💭

Sending peace and love ✨️💫

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My latest post:

My year in review - letting go

#AskLemon8 #HolidayChallenge #Adulting101 #relationship #boundaries