Am I the toxic friend? I guess so.

ive been there. Losing friends because we drifted apart due to different interests, lifestyle changes, or because I felt they weren’t right for me anymore. But being on the receiving end of a friendship breakup, for lack of a better word, ghosted? and by a very close friend. That’s a whole new level of hurt

⭕ The Lore:

Let's call her, N. We were close and we understood each other or so I thought. We once even had conversations as to why friendships end and we both agreed that it takes effort to maintain a good friendship. It honestly felt like we could sustain the friendship till we were much older. Twas a good 5 years of laughter and experiences.

⭕ The Ghosting:

N got hitched and I was there. It was all good, shortly after that, we were supposed to catch up and was met with " Im really busy, sorry", which I totally understand. So I just went about life as usual and dropped her texts to check in on her, and when we could catch up again.

It was replied with " I've been really busy" a month later, to which again, TOTALLY FINE, I UNDERSTAND. We've all been there, dying at work during busy times.

To my surprise, a few days later I saw that she had hung out with another mutual friend. But giving the benefit of doubt, and didn't want to think too much into it, I brushed it off.

I left it for another month or so and texted her again to ask how she was doing. But again, no reply. Coincidentally, I saw her Instagram stories of her hanging out with our mutual friend and some others at a gathering.

It was then that I had to accept the reality: I was being intentionally let go.

⭕ Post Realisation:

I kept replaying what I could have said or did wrongly but I couldn't. And I kept thinking if there was anything I could have did better.

Now, you might ask, why not just reach out to her and try to save the friendship? Well, we had a conversation about this before, and she mentioned that she lets things die a natural death and doesn’t like to explain herself because, in her words, "what for?" If it was worth it, she would fight for it.

Which makes it sting even more now that she didn't even bother with me.

⭕ COPING MECHANISMS

Heres what helped me come to terms with it, and may it help you if you're being the one being broken up with. I googled and reddit-ed experiences all this over a span of time lol.

🤍 Validate your experience — and your pain.

Remember that not all friendships, even very good ones, last forever. People come and go in our lives. Be kind to yourself. Take time to mourn the version of yourself that existed in that friendship.

🤍 Ask yourself what do you want

What will be the outcome if you should confront the friend. I asked myself the same thing too, did I need an explanation on why the friendship has run its course? did I need to justify why she should still be friends with me?

but if she wanted to, we would have reconnected and this post wouldn't be written would it.

🤍 Acknowledge that certain things are beyond your control.

Because there's no point worrying over things that you can't change.

🤍 Seek better and deeper connections

I tried to reflect on my actions and focus on the current friendships I have, thinking about how I can be a better friend to them instead of dwelling on the past.

⭕ Finding Closure

To be honest, I'm still finding closure and coping with the end of a friendship.

To anyone going through a friendship breakup, your feelings are valid. It’s okay to grieve and take your time to heal. Focus on your well-being and remember that you’re not alone in this journey.

#friendshipbreakups #ghosting #movingon