Learning about love at 40 years old. 👀

While growing up, my mom tried to make me watch romantic movies to learn about relationships and somewhat warned me about abusive men.

But I always hated how the women in those romantic movies especially Chinese ones had to throw stupid tantrums, act like xiao nu ren, pamper male ego.

Then during my 20-30s, I was stuck in toxic workplaces so the last thing I wanted was to get indebted 🤢🤮. It also didn't help that I encountered a few extreme ex-colleagues.

1. My then 32 years old ex-supervisor who was so desperate to get married and had kids that she abandoned her career and relocated to Israel within 6 months of reuniting with her ex-boyfriend. 👀

2. My ex-colleague whose husband installed tracking device on her handphone and always called her whenever we went to new lunch spots. he even met us at one location. 👀

3. My ex-colleague tried to match make me with this socially awkward male ex-colleague who commented that I looked like Pamela Anderson. wtf, I have been always flat chested and thin lips. 😂

4. When I was in poly and tried dating, one guy rebuked me for window shopping even though I wasn't even using his money. 💩 He also asked me if I would drink tap water with him if he was broke, I replied that I would work la. duh. 💁🏻‍♀️

5. In my 2nd job, one of my male ex-bosses suggested marrying just based on the guy's cpf account. Another one said I should obey my husband. 😬

Then this year I finally managed to settle most of my life stuff like money, health, job and am in the right headspace to learn about love.

It turns out that:

1. Empathy is the most important factor! I know there are 4 types of love languages but empathy is the most important factor. I definitely don't need someone to invalidate my emotions when toxic people can do that for free. 😂

2. I don't need the person to have the same, exact interests as me! 🤯 but it's really true that hobbies and interests will change over time. in my 20s, I used to binge watch American TV shows like heroes but now my attention span is only 15 mins max. 🤣

But having the same values is important. 👀

3. Take my time to learn about people! According to some websites recommend 1-2 years before tying the knot. This is important especially if there is love bombing. Most narcissists can't continue love bombing for 1 year anyway. 😂

4. Be careful of narcissists especially love bombing and mirroring! 😱🤢 I have been binge watching Dr Ramani YouTube which she explained the concept of twin flame is similar to narcissistic relationships. 👀

5. Most of these relationship advice also work for platonic relationship, work and etc. I used to struggle with boundaries till my late 30s.🥲

6. Stop giving excuses! One important thing I learnt from Dr Ramani is the usage of "and".

Instead of saying "the person is acting like a dick but he has a difficult childhood", say "the person is acting like a dick and he had a difficult childhood." 💁🏻‍♀️

7. Love and learn about myself before seeking relationship! Although sometimes I wonder if it's possible to marry just for the sake of HDB flat and remain as room mates instead? 😂

#Lemon8SG #lemon8blog #relationshipadvice