how to stop making your S/O feel invalidated!! 🤧💗

this is part TWO of my relationships and anxiety series!

i’m my previous post , i discussed what it is like to manage my own anxiety in my relationship. in this follow up, i’ll be sharing some things that i — as someone with anxiety, would want my PARTNER to be aware of!

if you are a partner of someone with lots of anxiety, or you are someone with anxiety and you wish your partner could understand you a little better, these are some tips/ reminders to help! even if you aren’t in a r/s but foresee this as a potential issue in the future, it’s good to take note of some of these things

💘𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔 some reminders to the partners of anxious beans

1️⃣ even if you don’t understand why your partner is feeling this way, don’t invalidate their feelings

🍓 it’s easy to say “huh such a small thing, why u worried, just let it go”, but while you are trying to tell your partner not to worry, you may accidentally invalidate their feelings by unintentionally implying “your worries are invalid because this isn’t an issue, this isn’t a real problem”

i believe that we all FEEL certain emotions for a reason — whether it makes sense to you or not, the fact that your partner may be feeling anxious or down means that there is something bothering them that is VERY REAL TO THEM!! even if this problem doesn’t exist to you!

💡helpful ways to understand your partners POV when things don’t make sense is to tell them “i see that this is a big issue to you, can you share why you feel like it’s such a big problem and we can work on it together”

— in doing so you help allow your partner feel like they aren’t “crazy” for being anxious and that you are willing to understand

2️⃣ be open when your partner feedbacks that something small you do is affecting them negatively

🍓 we know our partners do not mean to do us harm, but sometimes small things that go unnoticed may mean something HUGE to us — for me it could be my partner using a certain phrasing that gives off a harsher tone than usual. it may take your partner a lot of courage to point out that you are unintentionally hurting them, so shutting them down with “how can u say i’m adding to your anxiety/hurting you” is another way that you could unintentionally make your partner feel like their concerns are being made small/ disregarded.

being open to their feedback helps create a safe space for communication of worries in your relationship

💡 be open to your partner’s feedback! acknowledge what they are feeling and explain (not defensively) what you may have actually intended. assure your partner that you aren’t aggro-ing them intentionally

eg. “i didn’t mean for that to make you anxious, but i understand it’s a big deal for you. how do you think i could have phrased that better?” “next time, you know when i say this i don’t mean it in an aggressive way”

3️⃣ how your partner needs you to help may sound nonsensical, but don’t judge them for it

🍓 sometimes i ask my bf for the weirdest things to help me calm down. once i was overthinking a friend’s message and i told my bf “can u just say: rachel, what you said was not paggro at all, you know xyz is a super chill person, they confirm aren’t mad at you!”

it’s like i was asking him to repeat my own “logical thoughts” back to me, so i could hear it with my own ears from someone else to help quell my thoughts.

even though he was confused my bf just did exactly as i had asked him to and it helped a lot with my anxiety. in that moment my bf understood that that was the help that i felt i needed and that he could support with little effort on his end! so it did it without question!

💡 compared to being “wtf why u asking me to do that”, approaching your partner’s anxiety without judgement can make them feel safe to approach you for support in the future!

4️⃣ an issue may seem easily resolved, but it may take a lot longer for your partner to get over it

🍓 sometimes even though my bf does his hardest to support me, the issue isn’t gonna go away so easily, and even if it does go always there is still a chance the worries will come back later. and it could end up being something i dwell on for the whole night during our video call.

at times like this it’s ‼️NOT helpful to tell your partner that they “ruined the mood” or that you “set aside time to spend with them but they are just busy sulking the whole time” over a ~ small issue ~

💡don’t ever tell your partner that they “wasted your time/energy” with their anxiety issues. instead understand why they feel like the issue cannot be resolved within themselves/ why they still feel unsettled. for me sometimes what i just need is to sit in silence for awhile — then my bf (over video call) will just do his own work and check in every now and then.

5️⃣ make sure to care for yourself too!

🍓 as much as you may want to help your partner and share this burden and stress and anxiety, know your own limits. even therapists have their own threshold! don’t be afraid to explain to your partner (nicely) that you love them and want to support them, but this is too much. especially during your own peak stress periods, make sure that you aren’t just becoming an emotional dump for your partner!

finding this balance between being supportive but not over-burdening yourself if hard, and requires lots of communication between you and your partner! don’t be afraid to have that difficult conversation.

💡 if need be, encourage your partner to seek professional help for their anxiety, cause you ARE NOT their therapist! your job isn’t to FIX their problem, just to support them the best you can!

💘𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔 smol conclusion

as someone with anxiety, my biggest worry when opening up to my partner was always “what will they think of this problem”, “will they judge me cause it’s stupid” —- but my bf has always been super validating and supportive in helping me understand that YES this issue may be small, but it’s still bothering me so we can work on it together!

for the less-anxious, there’s a lot of understanding to do on your part, which requires a lot of patience and communication. if you feel like this is not something that you have the capacity to offer your partner at this time, or if their issues are extremely overwhelming, encourage them so seek professional help!

i always tell my friends to not be afraid to share about their anxiety with their partners and feedback what their partner can best do to support them — because if this is a serious and long term relationship, and y’all care for each other, how can their partner just not care about their anxiety and worries!!

i made two posts in this series, cause i believe it takes both partners to manage anxiety in a relationship. the anxious one needs to know how to convey their concern BUT also know their limits, while the non-anxious partner needs to learn to understand their anxious partner’s pov BUT also not give too much that it takes a toll on themselves. so it’s really a give and take!

🎀💗🍓

i hope this post has been helpful! share it with someone who has anxious partner, or YOUR OWN partner to possibly open a conversation to how they can better support you!!

this post is mainly from the POV of my own r/s mixed with some objective advice, so you will have to adapt it to the dynamic of your own r/s!!

🌷 FIND PART 1 HERE

if you have any additional advice or questions, feel free to comment below ♡

#GirlTalk #GirlsTalk #RelationshipStory #Relationship101 #Relationship101 #anxiety #anxietyawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthjourney #relationshiptips