Coping with infidelity- Day 16

I wanna first say that I appreciate people making time to comment or privately messaged me. I didn't realised so many ladies were in similar situations and have reached out for support. I'm thankful I've met some really amazing people from here who have shared with me their experience and checked in on me - even though they themselves are also still hurting. I'm still raw, so please leave me only encouraging words instead of the nasties because I really don't think I can handle anymore of the "once a cheater always a cheater" kind of messages. 🙄

Ever since I found out that he cheated, I had trouble falling asleep. It was mainly due to the fact that he would be texting or going through those websites at the time where I was happily in lala land. With that new found knowledge, I could not go to sleep feeling safe anymore. I was also alternating between being completely normal around him and just pure, undiluted rage.

Two nights ago was a classic example of my rage. I was angry at him for breaking me. I was angry at myself for trusting him wholeheartedly and without any reservations. I was angry I made the decision to stay and I wanted out at that moment. I was angry he chose to give in to temptations and jeopardised the entire relationship, rendering all our efforts null.

I was fking livid. I raised my voice, and I wanted to punch him. But there he sat in front of me, broken. Sheepish, regretful. Small. He is 180cm, and has a big frame. But at that moment. He simply looked small and sad. His eyes, the pair of eyes I had been looking at for the past 7 years, looked like they were going to flood the dams soon. He was also in pain. He knew and he told me - he fked it up and he fked it up bad.

I saw his hurt as well. And that was when I decided that we would work through this together, no matter how tough. So, no more whining from me. I'm moving forward, but I will love myself first. It's going to start with forgiving and sharing all my fears and reiterating what my boundaries are. We will need to confront our relationship problems together and communicate openly. We promised each other to be honest with our feelings and talk about it, no matter how difficult the conversation might be. I can't say that everything is fine and dandy now, but at least my life has a bit of a normalcy now and I can start living, one day at a time. One hour at a time. The healing begins.

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