how I got sober

I spent most of my life completely sober. I was always curious about alcohol but never enough to explore it past a couple quick sips. My dad was a cop in my small town most of my life, so I always had to mind my p’s and q’s and couldn’t have that rebellious life everyone else did especially in their teenage years.

But then shortly after becoming a single parent at 23 and in the midst of postpartum, I found myself spending whatever free time I could at the bars. It quickly went from a few social drinks to full blown dependency to keep myself from coping in a healthy way. I used it to deal with the emotions of ppd, relationship troubles, and the generalized isolation I was feeling. It became who I was and all I looked forward to.

Unfortunately I didn’t realize my drinking had become a problem until it was causing my life to spiral… repeatedly. I experienced 2+ assaults by different men, found myself making choices while under the influence that I wouldn’t have otherwise made, constantly sought out trouble, fought with my boyfriend incessantly, and put myself in harms way.

I tried getting sober a few times but could barely make it a couple weeks without needing a drink. The second my daughter was with her dad for the weekend, I was making plans to go out. The longest I had made it was 30 days. And how did I celebrate? By going to the bar. Sometimes I’d go out just to be with friends who wanted to drink and I’d get sucked in.

I had apps to track my progress and would get so excited, but then if I slipped up and had a single drink, I felt all the shame and defeat when my app would tell me it was time to start over. I eventually gave up on ever becoming fully sober and deleted the app.

It was one horrible night with my boyfriend that sent the message home that enough was enough. I had to walk away from the horrible lifestyle that wasn’t fulfilling me beyond superficial and momentary comfort. And even then it wasn’t easy.

But now I consider myself about 5 months sober. I have absolutely slipped up and had a couple drinks here and there, but I decided that the main goal is to have self control and not over-indulge and as long as I can do that, I believe I am sober. I’ve always hated the idea that one drink socially with friends can “cancel out your sobriety” and I feel like that puts a lot of pressure on people.

I feel healthier, happier, and more fulfilled living the lifestyle I do now. I’m closer with my friends, my family, myself, and my creator.

#safespace #soberlifestyle #letschat #lemon8challenge #soberjourney