R/s mistakes that my partner & I are guilty of 🥹

I’ve seen a no. of “red flag” relationship posts, and I wanted to write this post bc I don’t believe anyone is perfect—we’re all “red flags” in some way.

What’s important is that we acknowledge our shortcomings & seek to improve.

My partner & I have been tgt for 13 years and these are just some of the issues that we've worked on:

1️⃣ 𝗔𝘀𝗸 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗱𝗶𝗿𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗹𝘆 & 𝗯𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗲

Our case:

My partner is an observant & sensitive person but bad at expression. I tend to be oblivious & less mindful esp if I’m preoccupied with something. 

Over time, he has learned to get better at expressing his needs, and I have, in turn, learned to provide more words of assurance even though it’s not a love language I’m good at.

2️⃣ 𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗮𝗻 𝗲𝗳𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘂𝗻𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀

Our case: 

I used to avoid such convos earlier in our r/s. My partner would pursue the convos relentlessly & I’d end up shutting down.

Over time, he has learned that it’s ok to let me take a break and I have committed to coming back to the convo after having had my space.

3️⃣ 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁 & 𝗼𝘄𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘂𝗽 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲𝘀

Our case:

My partner would be willing to apologise, but I’d sense the defiance / reluctance behind his words. On the other hand, I’d be reluctant to apologise until I had my space to chill.

Over time, we’ve learned that most arguments tend to be for trivial things and what ultimately matters is that we still wanna be with each other and do life tgt. 

This makes it easier for us to take the next step to be the “bigger person”.

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I hope this paints a realistic picture of what a long term r/s looks like. I’m not perfect & neither is my partner. We both have our “red flags” 😌

I’d love to know the “red flags” you’ve experienced / overcome. Let’s chat in the comments?

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P.S. I write about home & living, relationships & career on lemon8—follow for more adulting fun 🥲 

Also on IG (@livingsmall.ig) if you wanna be friends ❤️

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