💔Break ups are never easy :/

Well how do I start…

I have probably have had the worst luck of my life these past few months. My gf of almost 7 yrs has broken up with me. I cannot even begin to describe how devastated I am. We literally went through EVERYTHING imaginable together and I always felt like she was the core of my soul. We did have past trauma but it was never anything that I was not willing to move past. Within the first 1-2 years she had already cheated, I was angry but I forgave her and let her know that it is understandable to make a mistake. She agreed and we pressed forward, through time she got better and she started communicating more. With time I learned that she had a very fractured mental state, to be honest, I know that mental health can be very crippling, but I never looked at it as if it was a hindrance to her because she didn’t show it at first, but as more and more time went on, I seen that it was getting worse and worse. It was getting so bad to the point where she was to have panic attack and anxiety attack while we were driving sometimes we were almost getting to accident or sometimes she would just go blank and she would stay like that for a long period of time. However, because of the type of person, I am the more I started to see that the more I realized how much I wanted to help because when she wasn’t dealing with any mental struggles, she was damn near a perfect woman, and it just got worse and worse and worse, and then we get to a timeframe where she started to talk to more and more different people, but we worked our way through that. But with each dilemma, I was always the one to put myself on the line and say “hey, you know we’re gonna get through this, we can do this…” I learned that I was very wrong. She had multiple opportunities to show me that she only needed me and I only needed her but every time I would give her those opportunities it’s almost as if she would completely reject the idea so I would ask “hey do you want to be in a relationship?” “Are you OK?” “Is there something you need that you feel as though I am not able to provide you with?” “Am I doing enough?” “Am I good enough?” Essentially I desperately tried to search for an answer because if there was an issue, I would’ve gone to hell and back to fix it. But fast-forward a little bit more and we ended up even having a baby however she didn’t want it and that crippled me down to my core and I didn’t even know who I was anymore at that point. But during that time frame, we made a vow to each other that our next one would not be like that. That our next one would be the true founding of us as a family. And once that was stated, I had a whole nuisance of positivity and I allowed that positivity to pick me up and carry me through any issues that would’ve come to pass and things were going really well until about 2 to 3 months ago, she became more friendly with some female coworkers of her at work and to be honest that scared me. It scared me because in the past every single time she gain some sort of friend or associate. They always seem to have such a strong influence over her and she came home one day and just decided I think we should break up… Naturally I was dumbfounded, though it was expected because I knew how she was in the past I didn’t like it, and I asked her why, and she brought up the discretions from the past based on how many times she tried to leave before and I understood that, I got that part of it, but I just didn’t understand why this was starting to resurface after we had pretty much wipe the slate clean and started a new and things were going amazing. Don’t get me wrong. We still had small bickering here and there, but it was never anything crazy. I was always understanding of her mental instability, and I was always understanding of her personality changes, and her lack of emotion. To be honest with you. None of that ever really matter to me because I would always tell her “I have enough love and understanding to last you a lifetime.” The depths I would go to for her are immeasurable. And even though we had somewhat had this conversation a few times in the past, this time was different. I could tell that she had real conviction in her words. I could tell by the look in her eyes, she meant it and I crumpled. As hard as I worked all these years to build her up, to build myself up after many times, she had hurt me, just for it all to come crashing down again. I didn’t want to believe it… in most cases, people don’t expect men to hurt but God it hurts so bad. I’ve never cried so much in my life and now it’s only been about 2 maybe 3 weeks. Even though I have lots of good memories with her they are just as much bad memories if not more but the only words that I keep hearing in my head is some of the last words she told me that she fell out of love with me and I know that can happen. I know people grow apart, but I just never understood how or why. I would be willing to give her my heart, but it didn’t matter to her. I feel so empty and lost. She’s moved out to live with some friends/coworkers and I just feel like someone took my life essence and ran away with it. I’m not a very big social media type of guy. If anything I try my best to stay away from it, but I’m trying something new to try to vent in a positive way. I hate that I miss her but at the same time I feel like if I could go back and get her and potentially have to deal with some of the same circumstances, I would do it all over again…

😅😬 Sorry for the long rant,didn’t mean to trauma dump on anybody, but I may do an extended part of this just to share some pictures and things thanks everyone…

#breakingup #failedrelationship #relationshipschange