i got closure today

honestly. it wasnt a very good one.

but today i got closure for a dream. (ref to the dreamers, anyone post)

i found why i was rejected and it was reasons i kinda expected to hear but it hits different to hear it out loud.

all the time i second guessed myself, all the time i doubted myself,

they all fell in place today.

and of course i cried.

cried so much again over this matter and it doesnt seem like any amount of tears is enough for it.

but maybe a part of those tears were tears of relief for the closure that i needed.

at least now i know the facts, i do not need to second guess and doubt myself anymore.

it is what it is and i finally can find something in me to accept everything.

and im proud and thankful to the people i had still beside me, to be there for me when i chased for that closure.

yes i asked for it and im glad i did it.

even though it werent very nice words, at the very least it was honesty.

and that is exactly what i needed.

but i would like to believe there is exactly no shame to be broken once again for this.

to focus on the words that make me question myself and my whole existence as a personality.

as long as i get back up right.

as long as i can finally put a the end to this chapter.

and like what mother taylor says right,

"fxxx it if i cant have it"

and while i heal i can definitely still do life with a broken heart.

thank you taylor swift 🫶🏻

and thank you to the one that was honest.

the one that still showed humanity is around. ✨️

#MyLemon8Diary #RealTalk #dream #closure #ttpd