Being a lesbian

Hey again gays and girlies 👩🏽‍🌾🩷

I’ve had a million diaries and I was very connected to one of them but I’ve lost access to the phone that held all of my most treasured entries so-

here am starting again at 23 years old.

Typically it’s not very unusual for me to “start again” in reference to literally any situation ever in my life.

For example: my last and most recent relationship was with someone who seemed like a nice ”guy”

(I know it’s gross but I thought I was straight okay)

we all understand though that most of the time on this lOvEly planet we call earth, narcissists are often mistaken for nice guys even when it’s by a Devine feminine like myself. It happens.

His name was Rhio (“was” because he’s no longer in my life not because he died) and we had a lot of fun together for a little while, I met him in his smoke shop and he was probably and still is the cutest Indian guy I’d ever seen.

Not that it mattered that he was Indian-

I mean I guess it actually kind of did,

he had a beautiful accent and he spoke

words so smoothly, the food was also amazing.

still he turned out to be a

• liar

• maybe cheater

• self proclaimed narcissist

Did I mention a liar?

he wasn’t a bad guy.

he was my friend that I could confide in,

someone who I truly trusted until I didn’t

anymore. So even though he hurt me, I forgive

him and I really do wish him the best.

He won’t have trouble finding someone who’s

meant for him. He had a nice car (Porsche)

nice clothes, nice hair (definitely modern day

Disney prince vibes) even a nice bedroom and

although he had all of these material things

he lacked the personality required to match all of the ✨financial galore✨ he possessed. He was

fun but only for an hour or two and then he

was usually tired (not uncommon for a working

human) sometimes it just seemed like there was

no life in him left for me.

I’d found out that he’d been keeping a little

notebook from a girl back in India that is still to this VERY day waiting for him.

It was filled with months maybe years worth

of love notes to him personally, kisses on every

page with lipstick in the shade of dark pink,

her perfume on certain pages that read the word

“Smell me” corny as fuck if you ask me- and a list

of all of the things she wanted to do with him

throughout the course of their future relationship

• kiss in the rain ✅

• meet your friends ✅

• watch movies together ✅

• meet your family ✅

• go on picnic dates ✅

• eat dinner on a balcony ✅

I realized that he loved someone else and couldn’t

let go of her, I’m not sure that he was even trying.

He tried to get me back after I found out but

I decided over the course of a week or two and too many bags of potato chips that I could no longer trust him and had to set him free. I don’t usually go back on those kinds of decisions and I won’t be anytime at all in the near future. He started to tell me that she meant nothing to him and he only ever

told him that he loved her once when he was drunk,

that he’d forgotten the journal was there in his very clean drawer and that he would have thrown it away had he remembered.

I was only offended that he thought I was that damn stupid.

anyway he’s gone now and no longer my problem,

I feel worse for the girl who fully gave her heart

to him- he took brought it all the way to here from

India to America just to throw it away 😂🥲🚩

So that was that and I healed surprisingly very quick, I’m sure he still wants me back but

I’m not playing ping pong over here honey, I’ve

been learning so much about myself, how strong I am and the way that I handle and respond to all

that I endure in my day to day life- it’s actually an

amazing, beautiful thing.

Oh yeah- and that I’m a lesbian. BOOM 🥳

I decided when pride month began that it doesn’t matter who knows anymore- slowly… at the same time I only want to celebrate it with those who love and accept me and the way I love fully, if they won’t appreciate who I am then why would I want them to?

I’m a grown ass adult and I’ve spent a lot

of my life pretending to like boys and men more than I do, and pretending to feel a certain attraction to them that I do not.

All of the warmest things I’ve ever felt in my heart and soul. A love that’s beauty cannot be described in words- I have felt because of a girl or WOMAN.

Men are cool for some they just aren’t for me.

and sexually- ugh just ew. They are TERRIBLE

in bed. They know nothing about a woman’s body

because they don’t take the time needed to do

all that’s ✨required✨ to PLEASE a woman.

But women understand.

men ALWAYS finish first anyway.

No fucking thank you.

Women smell good, they care about not only

Their appearance but their inside character

as well, they are sweeter, more patient,

usually 10x as caring and about a billion

times sexier than men are.

I don’t despite men in any way, I just wish they could do better for my straight girlies- and honestly women can be pretty emotionally complicated, I just think it’s so worth it.

I cannot deny my attraction to them and

I don’t want to.

I am a lesbian 🩷🤍🧡

Yay me I guess.

(there is no lesbian flag emoji 🙄)

until next time lemon8 friends,

-your favorite small town lesbian 👩🏽‍🌾

#lesbian #selfdiscovery #lqbtq #diary #lemon8diary #love