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Hey again gays and girlies š©š½āš¾š©·
Iāve had a million diaries and I was very connected to one of them but Iāve lost access to the phone that held all of my most treasured entries so-
here am starting again at 23 years old.
Typically itās not very unusual for me to āstart againā in reference to literally any situation ever in my life.
For example: my last and most recent relationship was with someone who seemed like a nice āguyā
(I know itās gross but I thought I was straight okay)
we all understand though that most of the time on this lOvEly planet we call earth, narcissists are often mistaken for nice guys even when itās by a Devine feminine like myself. It happens.
His name was Rhio (āwasā because heās no longer in my life not because he died) and we had a lot of fun together for a little while, I met him in his smoke shop and he was probably and still is the cutest Indian guy Iād ever seen.
Not that it mattered that he was Indian-
I mean I guess it actually kind of did,
he had a beautiful accent and he spoke
words so smoothly, the food was also amazing.
still he turned out to be a
ā¢ liar
ā¢ maybe cheater
ā¢ self proclaimed narcissist
Did I mention a liar?
he wasnāt a bad guy.
he was my friend that I could confide in,
someone who I truly trusted until I didnāt
anymore. So even though he hurt me, I forgive
him and I really do wish him the best.
He wonāt have trouble finding someone whoās
meant for him. He had a nice car (Porsche)
nice clothes, nice hair (definitely modern day
Disney prince vibes) even a nice bedroom and
although he had all of these material things
he lacked the personality required to match all of the āØfinancial galoreāØ he possessed. He was
fun but only for an hour or two and then he
was usually tired (not uncommon for a working
human) sometimes it just seemed like there was
no life in him left for me.
Iād found out that heād been keeping a little
notebook from a girl back in India that is still to this VERY day waiting for him.
It was filled with months maybe years worth
of love notes to him personally, kisses on every
page with lipstick in the shade of dark pink,
her perfume on certain pages that read the word
āSmell meā corny as fuck if you ask me- and a list
of all of the things she wanted to do with him
throughout the course of their future relationship
ā¢ kiss in the rain ā
ā¢ meet your friends ā
ā¢ watch movies together ā
ā¢ meet your family ā
ā¢ go on picnic dates ā
ā¢ eat dinner on a balcony ā
I realized that he loved someone else and couldnāt
let go of her, Iām not sure that he was even trying.
He tried to get me back after I found out but
I decided over the course of a week or two and too many bags of potato chips that I could no longer trust him and had to set him free. I donāt usually go back on those kinds of decisions and I wonāt be anytime at all in the near future. He started to tell me that she meant nothing to him and he only ever
told him that he loved her once when he was drunk,
that heād forgotten the journal was there in his very clean drawer and that he would have thrown it away had he remembered.
I was only offended that he thought I was that damn stupid.
anyway heās gone now and no longer my problem,
I feel worse for the girl who fully gave her heart
to him- he took brought it all the way to here from
India to America just to throw it away šš„²š©
So that was that and I healed surprisingly very quick, Iām sure he still wants me back but
Iām not playing ping pong over here honey, Iāve
been learning so much about myself, how strong I am and the way that I handle and respond to all
that I endure in my day to day life- itās actually an
amazing, beautiful thing.
Oh yeah- and that Iām a lesbian. BOOM š„³
I decided when pride month began that it doesnāt matter who knows anymore- slowlyā¦ at the same time I only want to celebrate it with those who love and accept me and the way I love fully, if they wonāt appreciate who I am then why would I want them to?
Iām a grown ass adult and Iāve spent a lot
of my life pretending to like boys and men more than I do, and pretending to feel a certain attraction to them that I do not.
All of the warmest things Iāve ever felt in my heart and soul. A love thatās beauty cannot be described in words- I have felt because of a girl or WOMAN.
Men are cool for some they just arenāt for me.
and sexually- ugh just ew. They are TERRIBLE
in bed. They know nothing about a womanās body
because they donāt take the time needed to do
all thatās āØrequiredāØ to PLEASE a woman.
But women understand.
men ALWAYS finish first anyway.
No fucking thank you.
Women smell good, they care about not only
Their appearance but their inside character
as well, they are sweeter, more patient,
usually 10x as caring and about a billion
times sexier than men are.
I donāt despite men in any way, I just wish they could do better for my straight girlies- and honestly women can be pretty emotionally complicated, I just think itās so worth it.
I cannot deny my attraction to them and
I donāt want to.
I am a lesbian š©·š¤š§”
Yay me I guess.
(there is no lesbian flag emoji š)
until next time lemon8 friends,
-your favorite small town lesbian š©š½āš¾