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If youâre single or evergreen (never been in a relationship before), you might start to feel the pressure of having a partner as everyone seems to be attached at this point in time. Iâve also had a few people telling me itâs âweirdâ and âunusualâ to not have been in a rs before at this age but itâs really not and itâs completely ok!! Those people are #NotForMe >:(
đHere are some of my thoughts on dating when youâre evergreen / single:
1) âYour standards are too high you should lower themâ It might be tempting to lower your standards when you feel the pressure of being single. However, I donât agree with lowering your standards just to get into a relationship with someone because ultimately your needs might not be satisfied and you wonât be happy in the rs! And honestly the bar is already on the ground is it really that bad to ask for the bare minimum ? If you know what you want and decide that is what you need in your ideal relationship, stick to it. Always have the âš abundance âš mindset instead of the âš scarcity âš mindset where you might not find someone else better. There will always be someone out there who can meet your standards and be better than the guy who canât do the bare min !! But ofc donât set your standards ridiculously high HAHA (eg. Kdrama standard) need to be realistic also !!!
2) Donât be attached to their potential. There may be instances where you get attached to a person because they seem like a good catch and might become a good potential partner. They might even tell you what they did in their previous relationship, which might be something you want in your relationship as well. Many times you create this fake scenario in your head that causes u to be attached to them. However, Iâve learnt the hard way that just because they have the potential to treat you well doesnât mean that they will actually do it. You should judge them by their actions instead of their words and potential and donât get attached too quickly (esp if you meet them on a dating app).
3) Donât try too hard to make them like you. During the date, you might feel that you need to make them like you but donât forget that they also need to make you like them. If you feel like youâre the one constantly racking your brains for the next conversation topic, step back and let them have the chance to lead the convo as well. Donât view every potential date as your potential bf / husband (if you are dating to marry) because they should actually be proving their worth to u first before they are worthy of that title!
4) âIf itâs not for you, itâs notâ. Cliche, but itâs true. Donât be disheartened by dating failures and think that you did something wrong that caused him/her to lose interest. Sometimes they are simply not interested and thats ok, itâs not on you. Just like how you wonât like every guy that comes along because feelings are a complicated thing and canât be forced.
5) You will meet the right partner when the time is right. There is no need to rush and I believe that when the time comes, you will meet the right person who is destined for you. Everything happens for a reason, and if you had a failed date, maybe that person wasnât meant for you. Whenever I think about my failed dates, I realize there was something I didnât like about them as well (bc I am guilty of lowering my standards as well HAHA) but I was still going along with it to see if anything will happen. So maybe itâs just the universe turning away people who are not meant for you. Focus on yourself and grow as a person, and the right person will come!
đThese are some advices that I constantly remind myself of bc I am guilty of making these mistakes too đ„Č Hope this helps !!
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