Letting go for my sanity

tldr;

Sometimes, the healthiest choice is to let go. Some people are better left as they are. You can't force them to change, no matter how much you want to. Your sanity is more important than trying to fix them. I'm learning to let go by accepting that I can't control my stbx husband's actions or fix him. Instead, I'm prioritising my own sanity, focusing on healing, and choosing to love and trust myself.

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Ever since I discovered my husband's betrayal and deception, my world turned into a battlefield. Since 2018, I’ve been stuck in survival mode, constantly bracing for the next shit to come. Can you imagine all that stress and trauma festering inside my body for years? It wasn't just about fighting with him; I was battling against myself and my values, and my family and friends. Living with an addict felt like I had one foot out the door, bracing for his next relapse.

Looking back, it's hard to admit how often I was fooled—by his lies, his hollow promises and lovebombing. It's also hard to admit that I stayed. The truth that stings the most is realising I married him not for who he was, but for the potential I convinced myself he had. I was so consumed by the idea of who he could be that I ignored who he actually was—and more importantly, what was right or wrong for me. I overlooked that someone who truly shares my values would never betray me the way he did.

I believed I could save him from himself. I poured so much of myself into supporting him through addiction therapy, thinking that was what a "good" wife does. But the final straw was learning that the lies never stopped. Each time I caught him, he didn’t change—he simply learned to hide better, throwing different versions of outrageous lies at me until one stuck. It was draining, infuriating. Helping someone who rejects recovery is like fighting a losing battle. The most painful part? He couldn’t even be honest with himself, let alone with me. It would've been easier if he'd just said he didn't want to quit his addiction, so that I can cut my losses and go live my best life elsewhere. But no, he's selfish. He wants my love and he wants to fck others too.

Through this hellish journey, I've come to realize that some things are simply beyond my control. He’s free to destroy his own life, to toss away whatever future we might’ve had. He’s not my problem anymore.

Every day, I’m learning to let go. To accept him as he is. To choose my sanity over the endless struggle. I can’t change what he’s done to me, nor can I control what he continues to do—or refuses to do. I can’t extract an apology from someone incapable of feeling remorse, nor can I demand accountability from a compulsive liar.

But I can control my response. Today, I choose to give myself what he never could: love, trust, and honesty. Today, I’m learning to be faithful to myself.

#healingjourney

#infidelity

#divorce