How I Knew I Miscarried

TW‼️

i remember this day like it was yesterday…

my now husband and i had gotten into an argument over something after having a very nice dinner. something abt after dinner was just so off.. i remember starting to panic as i turn to him and tell him how i feel like there’s no baby anymore and how i feel so empty.. he saw the seriousness in my strained voice and instantly dropped what we had been arguing about to hold me and tell me everything was okay…

but it wasn’t okay.. i knew that i had lost this baby that day… but i didn’t go through all the stages of a miscarriage…

1 week later, my now husband goes out of town, but he’s on a ship so we aren’t able to talk fr.. and 2 weeks later i go to my 8 week appointment there it was.. confirmed.. no baby.

i could see the strain on my technicians face of how on earth is she gonna tell me, i swear i stayed laying down for so long as she as calmly as she could search for the baby, but the thing is.. i am watching the screen.. i know she doesn’t see the baby, cause i dont see the baby. i then ask the daunting question.. “is there a baby?”

she says “i’m still looking but let’s do the vaginal ultrasound just to be sure” and ofc with that.. nothing..

here i am, alone and so distraught.. sitting in the office wondering why me.. why why why.. i remember the technician asking if she could pray for me and i said of course.. and i just was at a loss.. but i still hadn’t passed the baby… 2 weeks went by and i still hadn’t so i set up an appointment to have a DNC.. basically the procedure they do when they do aborti0ns and that killed me, cause idc what other people do w their bodies but for me, i wouldn’t ever get an aborti0n and even tho i had lost the baby i still felt as if i was getting it done bc i was having that procedure.

the thing i regret the most is not saying yes when i was asked if i wanted to keep the baby, they offered to give me my lost baby and i said no, which again i regret cause i would’ve loved to have that baby..

although i have 2 amazing beautiful earth side children, i always wonder the what if side of things would’ve been like if i hadn’t lost that baby.

life is crazy truly and i’m beyond grateful to enjoy my children now! just sometimes i do think of what i had lost.. and how seeing that losing that baby really turned my life around cause when i was first pregnant i was no where near ready to have a baby, not saying that you’re always 100% ready but for me.. i wasn’t at all.

BUT crazy full circle moment, i had lost my baby on february 9th 2022, my son was born february 9th 2023… so it’s pretty crazy how that happened . @Lemon8Parenting

#pregnancyloss #birthtrauma #babyloss #letschat #pregnancylossawareness #embracevulnerability #unfiltered #miscarriage #miscarriagesurvivor #miscarriagehealing