HOW TO: find a green flag ☘️

🩷 TLDR: be the person you'd want to date. luck can only take you so far.

i grew up in the singapore dating scene, where a mutual "i like you" is, loosely translated, "we're official!"

i feel like the casualness of the declaration makes it feel just that - casual. but for a girl who's interested in something more long-term, "casual" just won't do it for me.

i think we need to hold relationships in a higher regard. to me, relationships are a commitment of growth, and possibly, of love - and while i know it's not what everybody is looking for, i feel like the selection of partners here, who feel the same, are pretty rare to find thanks to the casualness of the dating culture.

but lucky me! i found one - a green flag, a lover boy. someone who loves me in all the ways i needed it and more.

here's how i did it.

🌷 1. YOU GOTTA KNOW THINGS

I think you have to first know who you are and what you want before you can determine who to date.

do you want them to know how to cook? money-minded? ambitious? when I was about 12 we were counselled at church to make a list of the traits and characteristics we wanted in a potential partner. and maybe that's something that you can do - sit and think about the person you would want , and don't limit your list to physical attributes. looks are just half of a person - probably even less. i found that this helped me look for someone and narrow the radar.

your goal here is not to find someone who fits your description perfectly, but at least somebody who comes close. no one will ever be perfect, but that's a good step in the direction.

⭐ another good thing to list down would be your limits. do you want them to smoke? will you tolerate drinking? those kinds of things.

🌷2. YOURE NOT MAGNETS!!!!

I'm going to be very frank and very clear: OPPOSITES DO NOT ATTRACT.

at church we have a saying that goes "virtue cleaveth unto virtue". it basically means that if you're a good person, good people will be attracted to you. if you're kind, kind people will be attracted to you - you get where I'm going with this?

be the person you want to date and they will come to you.

🌷3. FOUNDATIONS

I believe in looking but not forcing - and with what I mentioned earlier about attracting who you want to date, I don't think you'd have to look far.

My partner and I were friends for 5 years before we started dating, and we were friends because our personalities already complimented each other. from all the married couples I've met in my life, their relationships all started with a solid friendship. in the end, your partner shouldn't just be someone you connect with romantically, but also platonically.

you should be with someone who you can love, and who loves you, in both ways :) they're different forms of intimacy - make sure youre compatible in both.

let me know what you think! i'd love to discuss in the comments.

until the next post!

love,

z

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