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You know how in kdramas, ๐ฆ๐ป & ๐ง๐ป meets in an extremely dramatic way & fall in love? Mine and my bfโs story is exactly that: I was a student councilor in my secondary school and he was the school trouble maker, and we met when he was sleeping on the school stairs. It gets even more dramatic from here, but thatโs for another day ๐
I ended up dating the person that I was sure Iโd never date, much less want to marry. We are polar opposites afterall where our personalities are really quite different, most people would realise that as soon as they see us interacting. But here we are - ๐ฐ๐ฒ๐น๐ฒ๐ฏ๐ฟ๐ฎ๐๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ผ๐๐ฟ 9๐๐ต ๐๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฟ ๐๐ผ๐ด๐ฒ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ ๐๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฟ!
โHow are you guys still together?โ a question we get a lot and finally, Iโm here to #SpillTheTea on #MyGoTo secrets that have got our relationship working out for this long. Ok, I admit some of them are new ones that we have been starting to adopt only recently. But keep your ears wide! ๐๐ป
1 โ ๐๐ผ๐๐ฒ ๐ถ๐ ๐ฎ ๐ฐ๐ต๐ผ๐ถ๐ฐ๐ฒ, ๐ฎ๐น๐๐ฎ๐๐ ๐ฐ๐ต๐ผ๐ผ๐๐ฒ ๐น๐ผ๐๐ฒ (โงโกโฆ) โก
โ๏ธ Donโt say the word โbreak upโ
โ๏ธ Always choose to work on things together, even on the harder days when you feel crappy about the relationship
I dated 3 guys before that and every relationship ended with me breaking up with them because โI knew they were going to break up with meโ eventually and I was just a โflight-at-riskโ person. Was so sick of love honestly as I really felt like people leave all the time anyway, but I had that enlightenment moment where I realised that there is no โperfect oneโ. Love is more than a feeling, feelings are fleeting & my feelings can go from love, to sadness, to anger, and even hatred. Love, on the other hand, is a commitment that you make everyday to choose & love the person.
Iโm not gonna lie that due to my โflight-at-riskโ nature, I do think of breaking up sometimes when I get super super pissed off. ๐ What helped me a lot is to try & pen down my angry words on my journal first and usually when Iโm done being angry the thoughts will go away!!
2 โ ๐๐ผ๐บ๐บ๐๐ป๐ถ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐๐ฒ, ๐๐ผ๐บ๐ฝ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ต๐ฒ๐ป๐ฑ, ๐๐ผ๐บ๐ฝ๐ฟ๐ผ๐บ๐ถ๐๐ฒ (โงโกโฆ) โก
โ๏ธ Be direct about your feelings and what you expect from your partner - through open conversations youโll understand each otherโs pov better
โ๏ธ Try to come to a middle ground where thereโs win-win
โ๏ธ Set boundaries & let each other know your non negotiables at the start of your relationship** newly incorporated
This one is super important, esp if youโre dating a person completely opposite of you haha - their POV is probably one youโve never quite thought of.
Iโve heard the phrase โcommunication is keyโ so often but I think itโs overrated because thereโs no point in communicate if you donโt actually understand what your partner is telling you or talking things out to come to a middle ground LOL. Being in a long term relationship, communication especially gets taken for granted because you just get really comfortable with each other. We had this really bad habit where we would argue and then we would โsweep it under the rugโ and โforget about itโ, or my bf would say โwhat is there to talk about?โ whenever I say โletโs talkโ. That in itself leads to a cycle where we keep arguing because the problem is never addressed and itโll just make both people super tired.
Also as girls I think we always seem to expect our boyfriends to act in a certain manner or to understand what we mean through indirect hints but the truth isโฆ it doesnโt come to their mind at all. Itโs not that they donโt want to, they just didnโt think of it. Iโm honestly not the best at communicating and I usually get disappointed by my own expectations.
One way weโve been working around this is to develop practices where we talk about our feelings, what we like or do not like about each other on a bi-weekly basis (esp if communication is poor in your rs as this will force you to do it). Additionally, this biweekly chat gives us the opportunity to share about our action plan, as well as whether the other person is satisfied with the other personโs proposed action plan. Thereโs also follow ups where we share about whether the action plan was indeed executed. LOL when I say this, it sounds very project-work style, but this open conversation idea which my bf thought about has been really effective in making us happy in the relationship.
Winning is not the important part, making the relationship is! Thatโs how tolerance can come about haha (yes I have a very high tolerance for him).
Of course, you do need to make a conscious effort to be honest about your feelings! If youโre new in the rs, Iโd say to set clear boundaries and share your non-negotiables at the very beginning. :) More importantly, be firm about it! My rs is not the best wrt boundaries but itโs something weโve been learning to do! It would be important to do this at the very beginning so that each of you wonโt have to go through the frustration of having your boundaries crossed.
3 โ ๐บ๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ ๐ณ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ฒ๐ป๐ฑ๐ ๐๐ถ๐๐ต ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ถ๐ฟ ๐ณ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ฒ๐ป๐ฑ๐, ๐ฏ๐๐ ๐ฏ๐ฒ ๐๐๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐๐ผ ๐บ๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ ๐๐ถ๐บ๐ฒ ๐ณ๐ผ๐ฟ ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ผ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐๐ผ๐ผ (โงโกโฆ) โก
life gets pretty boring sometimes when itโs just the two of us sometimes esp since thereโs a limited amt of things we can do in sg, so friends definitely help to add in more fun to our rs as we get to hang out with our friends! ๐ป๐พ๐๏ธ
my bf introduced me to almost all his friends and also brings me along almost all the time ๐ yea they donโt rly mind because we basically comes in ๐ lol. And as a quality time person, I really appreciate that and it keeps me from feeling neglected! ngl, my bf friends are quite different from my friends in terms of personality ๐คฃ , and I like that! It helps me to keep a good balance between being ambitious and having fun! Mingling with his friends also helps me to understand his world a bit more!
Of course, itโs also important to make time for each other!:) It could be to watch a Korean drama or going out for a meal together. For us, when we started our relationship we made a day to meet - Saturday, where weโll get to spend alone time together. Itโs a little tough now that weโre a bit older and busier but we keep our Sundays free for each other unless there are special reasons ๐ We also try to make it a point to go out for dates at least once a month.
4 โ ๐ฏ๐ฒ ๐ฏ๐ถ๐ด ๐ผ๐ป ๐ฎ๐ฝ๐ฝ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ฎ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป & ๐น๐ผ๐๐ฒ (โงโกโฆ) โก
โ๏ธ understand each othersโ love langauge
โ๏ธ show your love for your partner openly
Knowing each otherโs love language - be it how we love others or how we want to be love is really important. you can understand how you love others via this quiz โค๏ธ
My bfโs love language is acts of service & physical touch while his way of loving seems to be gifts. For me, mine was words of affirmation (now acts of service thoughโฆcos of my bf ๐) & quality time. This difference can sometimes make us feel unloved.
What has been really useful for me is putting in the effort to go out of my way to show love & appreciation! For instance, my bf love massages & back scratches while I hate giving them cos itโs so tiring HAHAH but I do it anyways bc I know he feels loved by me when he does it. Likewise, I know my bf prefers Chinese drama over Korean drama but heโll make it a point to watch Korean dramas with me, as a way of spending quality time!
And donโt forget to be generous with your kind words to the other person - send love through stickers or concern on how their day went! ๐
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all in all, relationships are hard work and always a work-in-progress. It is definitely a challenge to date someone that is a polar opposite of you, but such compromises are worth it to me because he makes me happy! โบ๏ธ If youโre dating a polar opposite or looking for tips to marry the love of your life, I hope this post with #Adulting101 tips has been helpful for you ๐ฅฐ!
Would you want to hear about my dramatic love story or tips on how to win your boyfriendโs family over? ๐คช Hehe comment down below โค๏ธ
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