👻 Save a soul bro: Women’s Psychology💡(pt.2)

you guys!! thank you for the immense support on part 1’s Save a soul bro ♥️ the post has reached 20k views and counting, and sooo I've decided to share a part 2 ✨ (sorriz took a while to repost bc L8 took it down sobs)

1. SEGS & GAME PLAY

for most females, sex is a very sacred expression of love with a loved one. remember — a woman always needs someone trustworthy & reliable, and one who shows that consistency across ALL aspects of life throughout the whole of the relationship, and that includes anything you do before and after that sacred activity.

a female is biologically wired by her need to feel emotionally safe and secure!! esp. before she have segggs with you, or even before clocking the big life milestones such as moving in, getting married & pursuing life milestones with you ✨

sometimes that includes having a conversation, and everything you do or don’t do prior to the real game play - from subtle gentlemen actions such as holding the door for her, holding her hand, listening to her rants, ASKING her if she's comfortable... etc 😳

AND while some may differ, I personally think it's important and v gentlemen to ALWAYS ASK FOR CONSENT!! to show that you truly respect her boundaries, and esp. so if she has gone thru past traumatic sexual experiences

& pls know that consent is NOT ALWAYS implied!! & just because she's your GF/Wife already — doesn't mean that she has to, is obliged to, or wants to do it at that point of time 🕰️

a NO is a NO, it's that simple. respecting that NO is in fact, a chance to build that trustworthiness, and sometimes we ladies just wanna see if the man has it in him to respect that!! Harassment, unwanted advances & what not happens more often than you think BTW 😤 & nothing beats having a man to fully support women empowerment in that aspect!

2. GAME PLAY 🕹️

a women is intuitively sensitive, a subtle touch can either ring alarm bells or make her feel safe in your arms! & more often than not, it's not the intercourse that's the most pleasing to women, but the entire game play from the subtle talks, role play, foreplay, etc. up till the end of the inter course 😳

✨ITS ALL IN THE MIND✨

engage her brain with all the fantasies that she/you desire, best to initiate if she doesn't!! women love a man who can take the lead, but don't say stupid shit to ruin the moment HAHAH what you say & do really matters!!! and if your girl loves/expressed to take the lead, let her do what she wants and you'll probably have an amazing time.

✨HER BODY IS A TEMPLE✨

every bit of her body is sensitive to touch, and sometimes starting off slow to build that tension is a great idea 🤘🏻

spice it up with cute surprises time to time, such as a new set up, tactic or idea hahaha because no one wants a plain vanilla all the time... or eat cai fan for three meals for the rest of his/her life right 🤡🤣

don't be afraid to be vulnerable and ask how to better pleasure each other, or even have check-ins to express what makes yall comfortable!! safe and pleasurable sex shouldn't be implied as a given, because honestly... great things don't just happen like that — it has to be communicated for needs to be met!

also apparently when she's having her period, it's normal for girlies to want to have that alone time to nurse herself and get over her emotions 🤯 — it's part of her biological self-regulation! and while you still want to be pleasured during that period, communicate that it's important for you to feel emotionally connected to her thru physical touches, open communication & vulnerability is KEY!!!

3. FIGHTING! 💬

Fights happen more often than we think!! 😱

psychologists think that fighting is extremely normal in a relationship, and in fact encouraged - because it goes to show:

- y'all two care about the relationship enough to want to fight

- how yall want your needs to be met

- fighting allows yall to realize/see how to meet your partner's needs

but the key is to FIGHT FAIR, realize what's each other's fight styles and know that it's the two of you against the problem, and not against each other. while some couple don't fight, it may not be the best thing because it may be because the couple sweeps those issues under the rug, and when conflicts were to happen down the road, they may not have the skillsets to deal w each other!!

✨ FIGHT LIKE A GIRL ✨

usually when a girl rants, it’s because she’s upset at a particular situation — and NOT AT HER PARTNER. it's important for the male partner to recognize this, because whenever a female complains, they are trying to get it out of their system and it's her showing her VULNERABILITY!! and she just wants to be HEARD (rmb emotional bonding) and it’s important to be a SAFE PLACE for her by holding that space!!

& honestly... the chances of witnessing your beloved girl being angry is relatively high if you're in an intimate relationship - simply because she sees that you are someone that she can trust enough to show those yucky emotions!! and IT IS A PRIVILEGE. because when a girl is willing to show her emotions to you, it means that you are important enough for her to show her most vulnerable self. 🥹

when a girl stops sharing her truest thoughts & feelings, or stops wanting to fight with her partner, that's likely to spell TROUBLE. because a girl will only want to fight with someone who she deems as important enough for her to keep in her life - and when she decides to keep silent rather than to talk to you about it, it's likely that she has decided that it's better off without you and you're no longer worth fighting for/with anymore (often after counts of feeling helpless/ dismissed/ not considered).

tho ofc, self & co-regulation is key!

& if you're wondering why your girlie gets so angry/upset... it's likely because of powerlessness, injustice, or the irresponsibility of others 😤 and relating to this, whenever I got angry at a situation/at my partner, it can be something so small:

⭐️ Situations:

- not being considered for a position/promotion after working hard for it

- someone did something mean/nasty to me out of spite or without reason

- someone getting away for his/her actions

⭐️ with Partner:

- not being on time, nor communicating it when we both agreed to meet at a certain time

- not doing certain things, after it has been shared repeatedly that it is of importance

- not considered in your plans/goals, of her time, of your anniversary/birthdays/important occasions, in your schedule, not confirming with her in time

- not thinking ahead of doing things you said you would (aka over-promising under-delivering)

I gotta say... while it may be emotionally immature — sometimes when a girl feels the most unsafe, are also the times when she wants to pick the most fights with you, gets defensive and criticise you in the midst of it... just to test a reaction and see if you are truly someone who cares about her and someone that she can trusts — and while it's often not the most healthy nor helpful way to get the message across, it is thus vital to initiate a debrief, instead of feeling disconnected from each other!!! 😮‍💨

& often times it's hard to decipher all these in the midst of arguments, and it takes both of the same/ higher maturity and perhaps little sit-down sessions to distill the pain behind the anger, have a little empathy for each other and see eye to eye on the things that were causing a wedge between the two of you 🥲

it's important to understand that behind every criticism, is a sign of pain, and every bid for more connection to understand each other.

instead of FIXING HER or THE ISSUE, it's crucial to get to UNDERSTAND HER — the author recommends taking a time out to both cool down, and finding out the source of her pain by asking three questions:

1. What do you need?

2. What are you concerned about?

3. What are you feeling?

(it's also a good sign when she cries after bc that's her anger moving into sadness/disappointment and letting her emotions out)

and after which... REMEMBER, repairing together is more important than trying to resolve the issue!

& there are always two sides of the story 🪙 — you're not always right nor she is, so always get into a debrief by asking each other questions, and get into a mutual understanding:

- what exactly happened? can you tell me from a third party POV, like how you'd share it with a friend?

- how can we do this better from here as a couple?

- what do you need from me to move on from this situation? how can we make peace from here? e.g. an apology (there are diff styles too - google it), reassurance, time set aside to address/move on, avoidance of an action, reinforcement of actions, action plan, etc.

remember the whole point of having such conversations is to ensure that both of you are connected, and can feel safe with each other again.

- and if possible, be aware of yours & your partner's horsemen, and establish guardrails to avoid them: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling ag (easier than said ofc, but don't forget - growth mindset & always a WIP)

4. If she has close friendships with her gurlies, ITS A WIN FOR YOU. ALWAYS A WIN! 🏆

heard of the saying "who needs a man when I can have my gurl besties?!" hahaha of course in real life it doesn't quite work that way, because we gurlies in devoted relationships love to be with our man ofc

— we chose you!! (& usually for a reason 🤩)

but the moment a man realizes that the support from our girl friends/other friendships would only do wonders to the relationship between him and her girl, that's when TRUE MAGIC HAPPENS.

A happy wite is a happy life?! 👰🏻

⭐️ Women tend and befriend when experiencing stress, and this releases oxytocin and reduces their stress response ⭐️

It's crucial to understand that she seeks out social connections, esp. when she's going thru a bad phase/period or extreme stress in her life, and that's when she needs the most amount of SUPPORT be it with friends, family or from the man!!

⚠️ no fixing/dismissing pls, only words of encouragement, wisdom & reminders of the bigger picture, and tell her how proud you are of her, how far she has come ⚠️

BUT!!! getting that level of support from female friends... really hits different 🥹

when being around a pool of great women who are not only supportive, empathetic, kind and uplifting, this does wonders to her soul ✨ that allows her to THRIVE!! ❤️

& When she's operating at her best with the support that she's getting from her girlfriends, that's when she can also dedicatedly pour herself into the relationship - so trust that, it does wonders to you and the relationship more often than you think!

while it may be normal for a man to be envious of her being close to her girl friends, the key here is not to jeopardise that or exercise overt control, but see it as a WIN WIN!! 🏅

& APPARENTLY... men live longer, make more money, and are healthier than men who choose to live with a woman and she lives longer if she has female friends. 👯‍♀️ You live longer if she lives longer.

SO encourage her female friendships!! plus... you get to outsource dealing with her yucky emotions to her friends, aye?! 🤣

all that said... these are broad strokes on what I found relevant from the book, and don't forget - every girl is different, so best if you can empathetically ask and dig her inner soul out 👻

hehe ofc i'm not one to give advice, but I hope these are tips that you may find useful and inspiring for your current/next relationship with your beloved partner, and if you do... share it with a bro/sis whom may benefit from these too!! ❤️🥹

let me know if any of these experiences resonates with you, & if you want a bonus track part 3!!

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