Does this sound familiar?

Are you being gaslighted?

One of my favorite youtube channels: Cinema Therapy, explored the 11 signs of Gaslighting in Tangled, and these are my takeaways. May my digestion of information and youtube therapy have a dual purpose to warn you about gaslighting as well :)

[ h i s to r y ]

Stemming from pop culture, it was first introduced in a play made in 1938, and came from two movies from the 1940s. The movie made in 1944 follows a husband who slowly dims the light in his house while telling his wife that she’s crazy for thinking the lights are becoming dimmer. Making her feel as if she’s slowly going insane to kick her out of the house to rob a corpse in the attic (grim)

[ what is it ]

A tactic employed to manipulate someone into thinking the gaslighter is the only reliable source of information. Blatant lies are told under the pretense of truth by gaslighters to the victim. These lies are often denied, even in the presence of proof.

They tend to attack your insecurities and make low blows to feed off them. Belittling and making you feel small, wearing you down over time. Simultaneously, they praise you, making you feel like they are the only one that sees the good in you. They build you up and confuse you in intervals, creating confusion. They go on to feed off this confusion, making you look to them as a clear source of wisdom as though they know what’s best.

They further reinforce these thoughts by turning people against you, or ruining your perception of others to reinforce the idea of them in your head as the only reliable and trusted source of comfort and wisdom. Also, telling others and you that you may be crazy, naive or stupid, isolating you from yourself and others.

The actions of gaslighters often do not match their words, feeding into your confusion, making you second guess yourself while feeling bad for doubting this one person that appears to be your #1 and only supporter.

Thoughts of victims often echo:

“You can’t live without me”

“You are nothing without me”

[ Levelling up ]

If these unfortunately sound familiar, don’t worry, join the club(?) Join me in setting boundaries for ourselves and taking some time apart. Distance and time always help. Separating from them gives us time to find ourselves and reaffirm our own identity. That we can be our own person apart from them.

Sadly, it may not always be easy to completely cut off relationships with these people in your life, especially if they play roles in your life that you may not be able to avoid, such as family or colleagues. In such cases, sometimes the best thing that we can do is to engage in surface level relationships with them to protect ourselves. Ensure that boundaries are set to protect yourself and that they aren’t crossed.

Learning to identify signs of gaslighting can help in staying away from toxic relationships and gaslighters in your life. These warning signs are spelt out in an article on PSYCHOLOGY TODAY, an article by Dr Stephanie A. Sarkles that spell out the 11 warning signs of gaslighting.

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