Part 2️⃣ | How we maintained a 12 years relationship

My Background:

My husband and I got married on 4/12 last year because we wanted to give thanks to God for being faithful in our relationship 4 (for) 12 years. 🤵🏻👰🏻‍♀️

We also recently celebrated our 13th anniversary together! ⭐️

We started dating when we were in secondary school. My husband is my senior who wooed me. ☺️ I rejected him for 10 months before finally convinced he’s the one for me. He’s also my first and only love.

So, let’s continue sharing some tips on how we maintained our 12 years relationship before 💍!

Read Tips 1 to 3 in Part 1 Post 🫶

4️⃣ Open communication

For guys ➡️ Learn to be a good listener not a problem solver. Empathise with her and paraphrase her words to make her feel that you listened to everything she said and understood her well. One good question to ask to start it off is “Do you want a listening ear or a solution?” This way you know which direction to pursue and not frustrate each other.

For ladies ➡️ Learn to use words to express your needs and wants to him. Guys are not mind reader! If you feel frustrated because you don’t know how to feel better, you should not expect him to know how to comfort you. Guys feel loved and honoured when they’re in control especially, when they know how to love their ladies or meet their needs.

5️⃣ Be each other’s biggest supporter 👩🏻‍❤️‍👨🏻

Journey with each other through all the ups and downs. Through my first 2 years with my ex boyfriend (my husband now), he stayed through while I struggled with expressing myself with words and trusting people around me (especially him). I carried my own baggage from my family and he had to carry it with me. He taught me how to speak out for myself, how to love myself by first loving me and modelling the good behaviours for me.

Similarly, moving forward, he also struggled with gaining approval from my dad and relatives, school results, work etc.

We had the privilege to watch each other grow through the different life stages and be a better version than before.

6️⃣ Respect each other’s dislikes or triggers

Everyone dislikes or get triggered over something. Let’s be open to share with one another.

For me, I am a neat person. I get triggered when:

- there’s a mess in my personal space

- people lies down on bed with dirty outside clothes

- rudely replying me

- over promise you’ll take note / change but didn’t

For him, he gets triggered when:

- felt accused

- being ignored after repeating his words / questions multiple times

It is not advisable to test your boundaries to see each other’s tolerance level. Acknowledge and respect each other is a way to love one another. It’ll minimise unnecessary conflicts.

7️⃣ Opportunities to be heard

We often yearn for people whom we love to hear us but, seldom we give chance to hear others. I’m guilty of that sometimes. It takes conscious effort to remind yourself that it’s his / her turn to share now.

Do not interrupt someone’s sharing by:

❌ sharing your own similar experience to bring the attention back to yourself again

❌ rushing the person to go to the main point asap

❌ ask irrelevant questions or change topics

At the end of each sharing:

✅ thank the person for sharing openly with you (it’ll encourage further open communication and building trust with each other)

✅ empathise with the person / show your support if it’s a low period for him / her

✅ if it’s pertaining to you, think of how you will make a change moving forward to respect him / her

✅ pray for him / her

✅ do regular follow up to check in

Hope these tips will bless your current relationship or give you a new insight for your upcoming relationship. ⭐️

God bless each of you!

Have a great weekend ahead.

#RelationshipAdvice #hellolemon8