Childhood Traumas and Attachment Styles

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Hello ZeSties 🍋

Did you know your childhood shape your attachment style?

There are 4 types of attachment styles.

👹 The Disorganised Attachment aka Fearful Avoidant

> A disorganised style can develop when a child’s caregivers–their only source of safety–become a source of fear. (remember its not your fault that you ended up with this attachment style, with some practice and self awareness you can change your behaviours~)

> A combination of Anxious and Avoidant

> Basically insecure, and the hardest to work with

Example of behaviours:

• Difficulty trusting others

• Negative view of self

• Fear of abandonment

• Avoiding intimacy and commitment

• Conflicted feelings abt rs

• Feeling unworthy

> One day, they may be incredibly affectionate and close to someone, then the next they may avoid communication and act cold and dismissive.

> BasiCally toxic and unstable, unable to regulate or understand their own emotions. Also... usually they will feel very alone like no one understand them.

> I think to change from this you have to find out what are some root traumas that gotta go first and identify any patterns in relationships that keeps repeating eg. attracting horrible partners or being overly clingy or controlling in a rs. There will usually be a whole lot of issues for people with this attachment style

( I have been here and nth will change until you learn to sit with yourself and feel all your pain, then learn to forgive those people and let go of any resentments you have. You also have to learn how to move on onto better things and decide its for yourself - no more victimizing yourself and holding on to any past hurts) HMu if you guys need any advice - maybe i will write another post for this.

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💀 The Avoidant

> Caregivers (usually parents) who are strict and emotionally distant, do not tolerate expressions of feelings, and expect their child to be independent and tough.

> Avoidant attachment in adults may, from the outside, look like self-confidence and self-sufficiency. The avoidant attachment style has a low tolerance for emotional or physical intimacy.

> examples of avoidant behaviour:

• Emotionally Distant

• Difficulty expressing needs

• Difficulty handling conflicts

• Limits affection

• Fear of commitment

• Detached

> tbh they are the hardest to deal with for me personally, because all they need is themselves, they rarely see the need to change how they are. Its like "If im ok alone why do i need to compromise for another person" kind of mentality.

> But if they ever crave for intimacy... and a relationship, it will take alot on their end to figure out what needs to change.

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🤡 The Anxious

> Most often, anxious attachment is due to misattuned and inconsistent parenting.

> Low self-esteem, strong fear of rejection or abandonment, and clinginess in relationships are common signs of this attachment style.

> Wrote about how to change from anxious to secure

Over here! You just need to learn how to love yourself more and find things that build your sense of self and confidence. Also learning how to set boundaries with people and yourself.

> Easiest to convert to secure attachment style. 🥰

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🥳 The Secure

> The child is brought up in a warm and nurturing environment, where the caregivers are responsive to the child’s emotional needs.

> Qualities of a secure human! (3rd slide)

Trust

Honest communication

Empathy

Self-esteem

Resilience

Healthy boundaries

- verywellmind.com