My Agoraphobia

I thought that I suffered from severe anxiety. Which I do, but there was more to it. My anxiety was extremely limiting when it came to leaving my home. I always had a little touch of it but it really started getting worse after my parents died. I live in Washington state my parents lived in Colorado, they got involved with a fraudulent Doctor Who ended up killing them both. If you or any family members know of a Julie Steenhoek stay away! She has killed a child, she has killed my parents! She is not a doctor, I think all she has is a high school education. I flew back-and-forth fighting in court for two years. After that ordeal Covid hit and I went into full-blown agoraphobia. I am a nursing assistant, doesn’t work well together.

I was put on medications, each and everyone of them was like taking a TikTac. For the first couple of years they tried every medication on me only to find out that I have an extremely high metabolism when it comes to medication and I have what is called a paradoxical reaction to just about every medication on the market. What this means is; most medications have the exact opposite effect on me than it should.

So I remain Med Free for anxiety, agoraphobia and depression.

I’m having to deal with this mentally, so I started shadow work and therapy.

B.E.S.T decision I ever made (Shadow Work)!

Therapy is tough, I was extremely mentally abused when I was a child so I have what is called a disassociative amnesia. Most of my childhood I don’t remember, my brain is trained to block out trauma, not remember it and I have carried it into my adult years. It is not fun I do not remember things I feel I should. I take a lot of pictures so I remember. So…coming up with the reason(s) for my anxiety, my agoraphobia, my depression has been very hard in therapy. Doing shadow work has allowed me to do it at my pace and I can lay in bed and think or journal, I get much deeper. But you have got to be brutally honest with yourself!

I know my mental disabilities will always be with me. I also know that my mental disabilities will not always dictate what I do. Every day is a new beginning for me! Every day is a new chance to say I can do this without stress!

If you are going through shit, you are not alone! Deep breaths, you’ve got this!