I am no longer close to my brother | sibling

Hey Zesties!

I always wanted to get it off my chest about siblings outgrowing each other and how can we pull back the sibling-ship with him?

BACKGROUND 💌

Back in secondary school, I used to be closely knitted with my older brother (4 years older), so when I was in Secondary 1, he was already in polytechnic. In my memory, our childhood was mostly, when he bullied me and I would snitch back to my parents so that he'd get scolded! (I swear we were like enemies!)

In sec 2, my maths were terrible, I seriously couldn’t brain anything out. He then became my personal tutor till my o'lvls (for phys/amaths/emaths/chem) upon my constant begging. I guessed this tuition actually pulled me closer to him. I mean besides fighting non-stop about why I can't see his solution, he'll bring me out to enjoy nice food at the nearby mall! We would also share our lives and secret crushes and give each other tips! (didn't work out for any of us tho)

REASONS WHY WE WEREN'T CLOSE/DRIFTED

-> The past hurt was not amended or healed! 🥺

The main reason why we only grew closer in sec such is because HATED each other when we’re younger! If you are the side that is being hurt, are you waiting for your sibling to apologise to you? Would you be willing to be the one that initiates and forgive? Small matters can bottle up into one BIG PROBLEM, and I personally feel that it’s harder for the other to identify if it’s never mentioned seriously 😭 AS the other party, I am indeed oblivious to my sibling feelings when it’s swept under the rug. I really only managed to talk to my brother and connect with him better when he told me about that one incident that I snitched on him in primary school! (Which explains why he treated me poorly in primary school HAHAHAHA OPS)

I was grateful that we’re close but we still drift apart from each other eventually 🥹

-> Parents are crucial to mend the relationship:

I’m sad to say that most of the time, parents are the main source why sibling hates each other. If you’re the youngest, only girl/guy, your parent might favour you over your siblings. Maybe they’ll listen to where you would like to eat, buying more goodies for you, asking your bro/sis to understand you because you’re the youngest etc. being the parents favourite also means they’ll get away with troubles easier right? but how would you feel as the other child?

My parents are relatively biased towards me since I’m the youngest girl in the family, I got away with most things that my brother would get scolded for.

As a child, I was eager for my parents love. Not saying I have daddy or mommy issues, it’s the natural instinct of wanting to be dad’s and mom’s favourite kid. AND I believe that every child would want that too! (which sometimes means being competitive 💀

AND, if your sibling is getting scolded, please DO NOT stand at the corner and laugh at them, step up and put the fire off because you’re just adding fuel to the heat 😩

-> Maturity level/POV are vastly different: 👀

I do feel that this point goes both ways. It’s either one is way more mature than the other (big age gaps/stage of life) OR both of you have different pov of the world. It’s totally normal because of our different personalities/friend group/priorities and we chase after our passion/dreams/ideal life

Personally, I love meeting new people and spending time to try many different things/hobbies. On the other hand, my brother really enjoy time alone while looking at different chemical reactions, grasping at the smokes and colour changes *plus scratching his head in the lab 🧫 

Due to the nature of our course, the way we approach things are different and we ALWAYS end up justifying how the way is better. AT THE END OF THE DAY our conclusion is just to avoid talking to each other 😔 SO COMMUNICATION IS KEY 🗝️

How can I talk to my sibling again?

- ask questions

I always will initiate and ask him about university life (because I just started uni), what should I choose and how do I make things work out? Remember parents can be the reason why they cause you to drift apart but it is also a common factor to bond over! No one else is going to know how to convince your parents than your siblings. It’s always good to hear what they think about your course (that could support you)

I was glad that my brother encourage me to do what I like in university instead of listening to my parents and choose something more practical (I felt that I have someone in the household that supports me ❤️)

- STOP trashing each other

In a family, we need love and support. Support your siblings, be the one that mould each other to someone better 💕

Thank you so much for reading this ❤️

#storytime #siblings #brother