My interracial relationship 🥰

My bf is Malay and I'm Chinese. We met in uni but only started getting to know each other better when we worked at the same company after graduating. We've been together for 2 years now hehe 🫶

We've had our fair share of disagreements and cultural shocks. Even till today we are still learning about each other's culture. Gonna share some key differences we've experienced so far in hopes we're not alone:

✨Family

This is not so much about race but more so of individual family values and upbringing. Every family is different regardless of race. But I think Malay families are stereotypically more bonded than Chinese families. My bf and my family fit into this stereotype and it's quite overwhelming for me 😅 it's not a bad thing, I'm just used to seeing my extended family maybe a few times a year, or during special occasions like weddings. His family meets up almost every week 🤯 they always invite me along which I am so grateful for bc they have already accepted me into the family. But it was a shock to me seeing how close knitted their family unit is. Whereas I make awkward small talk with my cousins when we meet which is kinda sad. But I also have Chinese friends whose families are super bonded and close knitted so it's really not so much about race, just a stereotype

✨Education

My family is kinda strict and place a lot of value in attending SAP schools. I've always had this gut feeling that I'm the disappointment of the family bc I went to neighborhood schools and poly and a uni that's not NUS/NTU hahaha whereas my bf is the only one in his family that graduated from uni. It's a huge achievement in his family and I'm really so proud of him for it. And then I think why can't we all just be happy that we can even afford to get decent education. He feels a bit inferior with my family and is always worried they'll find out he went to ITE. Heck even I feel inferior hahaha but anyway- it sucks and I don't want him to feel that way. We're working through it but it's gonna take awhile for this distinction of schools to change, even within ourselves

✨Language

This is a huge one but super fun imo. My bf is able to understand and speak basic mandarin bc many of his family members including his mom speaks fluent mandarin. They picked it up to 'keep up with the world'. Sadly I don't understand and speak even basic Malay 🤡 I'm always super lost during his family convos so I've been learning Bahasa Indonesia on Duolingo (they don't have Malay but I figured it's similar, can understand can already). It's fun to hear my relatives speak to my bf in mandarin, I feel like I can show off "yes he speaks mandarin so you can't badmouth him". At the same time I get to learn a new language. 2 years into the relationship I can finally keep up with family convos and roughly make out what they're talking about hehe still a bit lost but baby steps

✨Perception of religion = race

Bruh I didn't know this was a thing until I started my Islamic journey. When my family found out I'm planning to convert, my aunts will say things like "wahhh we're gonna have a Malay girl in the house soon". I'm like where?? I'm still Chinese??? 🤯🤯 What even,,, I have so many questions. Gotta educate everyone that says this to me fr. During fasting month, my bf and I attended some event and they were handing out bentos for breaking fast. I was fasting too so I went to take the bento. The staff physically stopped me and said this is for Muslims only. I was stun like vegetable and stared at her like 😧 then my bf stepped in and explained that I'm fasting as well. I felt so sad bc I'm a strong independent woman but I still needed my Malay bf to vouch for me in such situations. I feel like I would never be taken seriously unless I wear hijab. Then people will start thinking I'm no longer Chinese if I wear, I'm also not ready to wear. Vicious cycle 😮‍💨

✨Clothing

Before getting into Islam I wore crop tops and singlets and shorts. I sweat way too easily so I love to /dress for the summer/😎 I also basically dressed like a xmm. My parents are surprisingly chill with this and allowed me to wear whatever. I still wear shorts and sleeveless tops bc I feel comfortable and confident in them plus I'm not ready to give them up yet. I'm still working on wearing more modest clothes out of respect for the religion and my bf. It has been a journey for sure. Fun fact, I've never worn shorts with my bf's family, not even those long kind that covers the knees. Just scared of being judged

✨Pork and alcohol

Okay luckily I'm a lightweight so I rarely drink. I'm also weirdly allergic to soju only. No alcohol no problem. But pork was a huge part of my life. At the start I was embarrassed to admit that I eat pork to my bf's family even though it's not even a secret. My bf will sometimes joke that if he kisses me he's tasting pork 😑😑 SMACK! But anyway many people asked me about this and then tell me they don't dare to ask bc they're scared it's offensive. I'm very open about it now. I have stopped eating pork ever since I started attending Islamic classes and learning about the religion and why it's haram to eat pork. I'm glad that most people in my life are accommodating to my new pork-free lifestyle. My parents sometimes forget but it's okay, it's something I'm still getting used to myself. My colleagues like to buy food to share and they will make sure to tell me if something has pork or if the food is halal or not. But they'll also say things like "you haven't convert just eat lah" or "just don't tell your bf lah". Gotta make a disclaimer that my bf doesn't care whether I eat pork or not bc he doesn't decide for me and it's my choice. Pro tip, go to Malaysia to find halal Chinese food to get your cravings satisfied. SG needs more halal food fr, I'm so sian of eating Indian Muslim food and nasi lemak alr

✨Customs

We are starting to plan our wedding for next year and it has been a RIDE. My mom is very big on auspiciousness and her only request to me was to allow her to get our ba zi calculated. My parents also strongly believe in keeping amulets with you and they make me carry a bunch around especially if we go overseas. On the Muslim side of things, these are all not allowed. Back to the wedding, my bf's mom has a dream wedding in mind where we do it under the block with kompang and loud music where everyone is invited. I'm not so keen on this tbh bc we're running on a tight budget here so we want to keep things small. We want to handpick the people we invite, we want it to be special and not just a huge show. I also dw do under the block wedding bc it's so open and public. But I do understand that in her POV, the more witnesses we have, the better. For now, we are planning to do the Malay customs in the morning during the solemnisation, then switch to Chinese and have tea ceremony in the afternoon before breaking for lunch. Also we're not gonna do bertunang or guo da li all that, just too much effort 😮‍💨

Thank you for reading 🫶

#storytime