Fear of being the “Sidewalk Friend”

“Sidewalk friend”: the one in the friend group who automatically moves behind on a narrow sidewalk, assuming the least in themselves (Urban Dictionary)

The general gist is that this friend usually feels ostracised & least valued in the group. Hence when walking on a narrow path, they would shift to the back while the rest walk ahead.

5 years ago, that term would constantly ring in my mind & I would think the worst of it. Now, I no longer notice the whole “sidewalk” thing, nor do I care 🤧

Young me would never believe that the me in my 20s would be the one to offer sitting alone on bus trips. Growing up, I was the student who would get the word “quiet” slapped over all my report cards. For some reason, that was viewed pretty negatively among my parents when I could’ve gotten a “troublemaker” instead…

I struggled quite abit with making friends in primary school; infact I was an incredible loner till like Primary 3 😀✋🏻 My brain was pretty slow & I couldn’t really pick up on social cues, so I often like I couldn’t fit in. Anxiety would hit me like a train whenever we were instructed to work in pairs or groups.

I was also someone who could NOT talk to guys for the life of me LOL I would only sit at the side & wonder how people seem to socialise so easily 😭 I felt such a big gap between me & the “popular” kids.

In hindsight, all that seems so irrelevant now. Like who cares right HAHA but back then it was quite a big deal to me 🫠

I think I really came out of my shell fr when poly happened. The change in environment & the kind of people I was surrounded with was such a breath of fresh air. Maybe cause I suffered from pretty bad social anxiety in the past, I used to constantly feel like I was being judged for being slow & incapable. In poly however, I was comfortable just being myself.

Not only that, but I think the nature of my course, which was film/journalism related, really helped as well. That’s cause I was studying something that I was actually interested in & could see a purpose to put in effort for. It opened up a path that I could visualise as my future & enabled me to work outside of my comfort zone willingly. With that, I could learn to be proud of myself & my skills that I’ve honed all this while. I also feel that poly’s system really encourages you to be more independent as well.

Here’s the thing: when you’re comfortable with the way you are, confidence comes naturally, and so do your friends.

Now, to me, the whole “walking behind on the side walk” or “sitting alone on the bus” no longer matters. I know that it doesn’t define me or my friendships. Over the years, I’ve learnt that being comfortable with the way you are is the key to confidence. Once you feel secure about yourself, you will naturally attract friends that like you for who you are. The whole pressure of feeling like you’re being ostracised will ebb away & be replaced with genuine contentment when you see your close friends laughing together.

WOW this is probably the longest I’ve written for this app cause the topic itself is incredibly close to my heart. To those with can relate, I hope this helps you in some way 👍🏻 & most importantly, rmb to treasure & appreciate yourself 🫶🏻

#Lemon8SG #RealTalk