What brought me out of depression

Trigger Warning: I touch on topics like depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and self harm in this post, please skip to a different post if those topics are not for you.

College was the darkest period of my life. I was deeply depressed, anxious, suicidal, struggled with self harm, and disordered eating. On the outside I seemed fine. I had good days where I laughed and smiled, but I also had days where I couldn’t get out of bed. But no one saw the bad days. I was in such a dark place mentally that I did not want to be alive anymore and thought that I never would.

After my junior year ended I was still struggling deeply and my therapist encouraged me to make a change in my life (if nothing changes, nothing changes). So I moved to Tennessee for the summer. I found work at an arcade and spent my weekends volunteering at a lodge accessible only via a five mile trail up a mountain. I had no wifi, no cell phone, and knew no one.

That summer saved my life.

One day I went for a solo hike on the Appalachian Trail. I sat down to take in the view and whilst looking out over the mountains, I decided to live. In that moment I felt infinitely small and yet somehow more connected to the universe than I ever had before. Somehow seeing the mountains going on for miles made me feel like I mattered. From that day on I knew that this life was worth living.

I’m not saying I didn’t struggle after that… because I did… but the mountains gave me a reason to keep fighting.

If you are struggling, know that there is no reason too small to keep living. Whether it's the mountains, a book you still haven’t finished, a concert you want to go see, your kids… whatever it is… hang on to it!

And please reach out for help. I didn’t get through it alone. I got professional help and reached out to my friends and family when things got dark. Please do the same. You are never alone and there is always a reason to keep going.

Suicide Hotline: 988

#lemon8partner #embracingvulnerability #depression #mentalhealth