22 & first time mom | how life has been lately🌨️

hello lemons 🍋

i just thought to pen down my thoughts because i dont know if im the only one feeling this way, but it feels pretty empty

family |

i thought i would start with family because theyre literally our next of kin. tbh i miss my family as im currently staying with my in laws, sure, my family is super chaotic and theres alot going on but there are days where i still miss being in their presence and their comfort just hits differently. my in laws have been super helpful and loving towards us, there are differences that we still face because of how we were brought up, im not a strong believer in traditional ways of raising a baby nor am i a strong believer in confinement. in singapore, its really about the traditional beliefs of recovering during confinement but i was basically raised in states with my family and my mom did not go through confinement for all her kids and tbh i dont believe it fully. but because im staying with my in laws, i just thought to go through it and boy, im more scared of confinement than giving birth LOL i felt like i was going into postpartum depression and i still feel this way on some days. my body couldnt take the "heat" that kept "going in me". true enough, 1 week into drinking red date tea, i was coughing and having a sore throat cus of the heatiness plus longan in the water that i didnt know i was allergic to (because i never knew i was allergic to longan until my grandma told me to take it easy for confinement). anyways, its been almost 5 months with kae (baby's nickname) and ive gone back to work but its been a struggle because we dont have a helper and we didnt put kae into infantcare, im currently still breastfeeding and we still wash and sterilise our bottles + taking care of her + baby chores + work so its really hard to juggle all and there would be days where i feel like the day was never ending. my body and mind would be so drained, i would often feel overwhelmed and overstimulated and get angry because i had alot on my mind.

hubby |

my hubby has been super helpful since birth and there was lots of mistakes made (yes, i would safely say i know how to take care of babies because i took care of my 2 brothers since young), there were days where i would lash out at him but then i would feel super guilty after because i know its his first time being a dad too and sometimes he's just trying his best 🥹

since he sails and doesnt come back on somedays, i would have to take care of kae throughout the day and night, im just grateful that my in laws are helpful and willing to care for kae.

we're slowly adapting to parenthood as we're 22 and yes we always liked going out at night for supper and to hang with friends.

parenthood changed our dynamics but we realised we have to work with it and party later 😂

friends |

tbh, i dont have many friends, let alone mommy friends because im 22, not alot of my friends are mommies at 22 LOL

i would say im super "picky" with friends cus i prefer peace over all the drama, by time i was in poly, i still made friends but i wouldnt hang and chill.

now, its even worse, sometimes i would think to myself that friends are really important especially when you are a mommy because you need to spend time with others other than a baby LOL

i feel that my friends dont get me as a mom, because it is a huge change in life, our priorities have shifted because we literally are taking care of a human, their childhood is in our hands and its something i didnt get until i became a mom myself.

there were times where i wanted to hang but i understand my friends have their own lives so i was "rejected" or had impromptu meetings which led to false hopes 🫠

kinda affected by it but hey, we grow from it. accepting this was hard for me because i feel like we've drifted but also, effort is a direct reflection of interest.

baby kae |

she is my whole world, everyday i would be so thankful that she is healthy and happy. she's hit so many milestones and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me, i always wanted a dragon baby and someone to accompany while my husband is out at sea & i got my baby girl 😌

she's also growing up so fast, time flies with them 🥲

hurts my heart alittle that they grow this fast but im grateful that she's growing healthily 🩷

work |

work has been okay, my boss is really understanding towards me and she lets me work according to my schedule, its a distraction for me as i take care of kae most of the time. its this connection i have to connect myself back to the world. im super tired but im grateful that im still able to earn an income to spend on kae and myself, though it might not be alot, its still do-able.

okay i think i have talked enough for now & shall go back to motherhood 😅

#GirlTalk #RealTalk #pregnancy #baby #motherhoodjourney #motherhood #dragonbaby