Unlearning BAD mindsets from being in hwac

hellos! I know this deviates from what i usually talk about, but after a peer of mine came out with their experiences with hwach, i was motivated to post about mine.

before we dive in, i want to put out a disclaimer that my experience with hwach is more negative and hence this is just my experience and some bad behaviour i had to unlearn because of it. it does not discount the positive moments i had and may not be the same for everybody. since i was the covid batch and a jae, i was less able to feel connected to hwach as a community, which i feel was a major pity.

regardless, here are some of the negative mindsets and behaviours i gained from being in hwach and how i had to unlearn it in uni

☝️Limiting the opportunities i tried for because i always thought i was never good enough

Due to the consistent failures despite putting in effort be it in academics or co curriculars, i started to lose hope with the constant stream of failures after failures. While i still tried my best to study for a levels, my expectations were very low and i was ready to just drop out and start working. Even though my a levels turned out quite good given my previous history of grades, the self limiting mindset stayed with me and i found it hard to sign up for things and chase for the opportunities i wanted (career wise) because i felt i was never good enough. I never applied for scholarships or prestigious internship places because i already expected very low of the outcome and hence felt that i did not reiterate the outcome

This summers internship application cycle was especially hard for me and i had to seek support from my boyfriend to overcome the constant doubt and low confidence that I had in myself to just try and think about the outcome later. Because of his push, i managed to secure offers from internships from gov agencies that i thought i was never going to get.

✌️Being fearful of being seen as dumb/stupid

While this was not a new thing for me ( i was called dumb very often by a guy in my class simply because i picked up material slower back in secondary school), the social judgement from being seen as dumb/ stupid was more widespread. Even though the sentiment was not overt, you could feel covertly that you were as well liked because you were faring academically as well.

Because of this, I was adamant of seeming as smart or at least knowledgeable. However, i realised people could quickly see through this facade and would feel that this kind of behaviour is obnoxious. I’ve also met people that were very welcoming to my lack of knowledge and inexperience and were willing to be study buddies and help me through course content i didnt know. Hence, i started to be more honest with my lack of knowledge ( towards information i tried my best to understand ofc ), which helped me gain more information and acceptance instead.

🫰Avoiding friends from hwach even though i was on good terms with some of them

Due to my negative experience with hwach, I inadvertently started to avoid all of my peers from hwach due to my association with them with bad experience at hwach despite a lot them being on good terms with me. I also tried to avoid talking to new hwach people that i didnt know of back in jc because of this negative association. While it has been awhile and i had to force myself to interact with them to get over that conditioning and my interactions with my hwach peers have gotten better, i still am a little off from overcoming this association fully.

thats all my bad habits i have unlearning/ in the process of unlearning. just wanted to share a little reflection i had recently before i post some reflections about my internship journey so far!

#BeReal #shemuses