"Pregnancy is so long"

Pregnancy goes by so slow yet so fast... Of course I'll never have anything to show for it. I will only ever have a memory. I'm to the point where I'm seriously considering getting sterilized. I'm considering just giving up entirely on having a family. EVERY person around me that gets pregnant and makes it to birth makes me so depressed and enraged. I don't think I will ever have a family of my own. I don't think I will ever be a mom, even though that is all I've ever wanted. Pretty sure I will never ever have my own kids. This is EIGHT miscarriages confirmed by a doctor. I can't do this anymore. I just give up. I'm never going to have kids of my own and I'm never going to make someone else carry my child. I'm lost and I'm tired on a spiritual level. I can't take anymore. But I'm sure life will just throw more salt in the wound. I'm sure I'll be forced to go through more hell. I just want to curl up in a hole and stay there for the rest of eternity...

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