Becoming a new mom again in my 30s

Having my first 2 children at 17 and 22 I went straight into survival mode. It wasn’t all rainbows I felt a lot of weight of providing and stayed in survival mode. I didn’t get to enjoy the true beauty of motherhood. I wanted everything to move fast with them. I just couldn’t wait for them to be more self sufficient, counting down the days I wouldn’t need daycare due to expenses or lack of someone reliable.

Now I am 33 and just had my 3rd son and I am enjoying every moment. I love the slow days, I embrace the sleepless nights, I find beauty in the smallest things. Of course what plays a huge part in my enjoyment is the stability I have now. Money is not an issue, I can take as long of a leave as needed to enjoy my son and most importantly a supportive husband.

There’s a part of me that worries I’ll have guilt or my oldest boys will look at me and their younger brother and wish they had this version of me when they were smaller.

All I can do is embrace this new space I am in and continue to pour into all 3 of them. They all know different versions of me but I hope the biggest thing they witness is what it looks like to bring children into this world in different situations and choose to make sure they are with the right person (married) and have stability before bringing children into this world.