fwb? no, i’d rather not be friends at all.

another #UnpopularOpinion here, if you disagree let’s respectfully agree to disagree. also news tabloids wanting to make a story out of any of my opinion posts, please, respect this space.

hi lemons, this is another heavy topic and possibly one that some of us would have differing views on. today i’ll be sharing why fwb is #NotForMe

fwb stands for “friends with benefits”. according to google it essentially refers to both you and the other party being friends but occasionally engaging in intimate and/or sexual acts without being bound by the commitments and boundaries that a relationship entails. you’re both free to continue to see other people and in terms of status, yall are not in a relationship with each other

honestly when i first heard this term i misunderstood it as referring to friends who want a friendship with you bc it benefits them in some way (eg. you’re the academically more smart one so they’re friends with you so you can help them) LOL 💀 clearly a millennial with boomer + gen z traits here.

anyway before i digress, here’s the main reason why fwb is #NotForMe and why i wouldn’t encourage you to stay in one should you realise it

🚫 no clear boundaries involved 🚫

anything that doesn’t involve clear boundaries is honestly not a good sign. having no clear boundaries essentially grants both of you the opportunity to “test limits”. from my experience, it doesn’t go well. especially if you tell yourself to not have expectations for this fwb, you may end up subconsciously having expectations and getting your feelings entangled in the process — especially if you are a HSP (highly sensitive person) or someone very emotional like me. i’d advise you to stay clear of any fwb as much as possible as soon as you discover you’re in one. it’s easier said than done when feelings are involved, and that’s when i’d recommend you have someone reliable to turn to who can help you out of this situation.

whenever feelings are involved, the process of leaving a fwb or a toxic relationship is a lot more multidimensional, even if both of you have clearly defined the intention behind the fwb in the beginning. feelings can really run wild if you’re not careful and it can affect your future relationships and possibly marriage. i personally wouldn’t want to risk being fwb as much as possible and instead learn how to draw clear boundaries from the start. if the person doesn’t stick to those boundaries, that’s a sign of caution ⚠️

personally for me, any guy who thinks fwb is ok i would advise to stay away from him. this same guy whom i was in a complicated situationship with was essentially in some way a fwb. he told me that he thinks fwb is acceptable and normal. i’m not surprised that other females were involved in his money borrowing scheme as the tactics he used etc make me infer that he is experienced in this

before i digress again, i just wanna advise all of you out there that even though fwb seems to be the trend nowadays, don’t hop on it. it’s heartbreaking to see the amount of posts here that share experiences being cheated on by spouse, infidelity and just any form of cheating.

yall please take steps to really protect your heart at all costs. you dont want to be in a marriage or a relationship that ends up emotionally draining you or breaking your heart into pieces. fwb if you’re not careful MAY set the stage for this kind of thing.

if you wanna have a fwb with me, no, just don’t be my friend. period.

ps: relating to my situationship with a highly manipulative guy (link above), some of you asked why i’m not exposing him. the reasons and rationale are multifold, but essentially bc of his extremely manipulative nature and his ability to distort a story due to him outwardly appearing very social and charismatic etc, i’m likely to be at a disadvantage. he works in a pretty well known organisation from what i heard, and exposing him might lead to further repercussions on my end as he may remember where i stay and work etc. moreover, he has the ability to really charm girls and seems to specifically target genuinely nice and innocent ones too. my friends and i highly doubt his fiancé is aware of what happened behind closed doors with me and him involving the money he borrowed and eventually returned. as much as its difficult to let things slide and go like this, it’s probably better for me and my family’s safety at the end of the day, and at least he returned all that he owed eventually.

we’ll be leaving it in the hands of God. i truly believe that if one keeps running away from his wrongdoings constantly and is unrepentant about it — one day he will face the music

thank you for sticking by if you’ve read this far.

#GirlTalk #RealTalk