Baby journey

We got back on the baby making journey to become pregnant again 4 months later. I was so overwhelmed and over joyed but I had this lingering anxiety and fear about losing my baby again. I tested so much to make sure tests were getting darker. I even left work to go to the emergency room because my breast stopped hurting just like with my first mc/chemical. Broke down before I even knew anything. Baby was right where baby was supposed to be had a strong heart beat. Heard baby’s heart beat at 8wks in the doctor’s office everything was fine baby was growing. I paid for so many private ultrasound’s because i needed that peace of mind. Then the last ultrasound at 8wk 5 days I got that news again baby has passed . I wanted to fall to the ground reach inside my womb and give my baby my heart to keep his beating. I thought the first loss was bad this was so much worse the pain the guilt you feel the what did I do wrong thoughts start coming. I had to abort my baby at home. Every time I went to the restroom i couldn’t bare to look to flush i would cry. You don’t know how hard this journey is unless u are riding it. I was one of those women who did not understand infertility as I had 4 children and got pregnant so easy before i got my tubes tied then I got this reversal and it’s been tough. My body is finally starting to get back to normal. It’s been 8 months and still have not gotten pregnant again

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