An apology to my younger self

Dear younger me,

I am going to be the one to tell you, that you deserve a heartfelt apology. So many people have failed you, and as you got older and tried to seek help from "professionals", you were tossed to the side and treated as if you were yesterday's newspaper. Your concerns weren't taken seriously and you were constantly ignored and overlooked. "Awful things" doesn't even cover the horrific events and experiences you went through, and I am so sorry that it took me so long to protect you.

I'm so sorry for the sleepless nights, weeks and months, contemplating if you were worthy of being alive and if the pain was ever going to end. I am so sorry that I couldn't rescue you from unsafe spaces with unsafe people. I'm sorry that you never felt truly loved, valued and important unless you were deemed "useful" by others. I'm sorry that you didn't realize how beautiful you always have been, and that you had no idea how truly talented you are. I'm sorry that I couldn't save you from witnessing those traumatic events that forced you to grow up mentally so much faster than you should have. You didn't get to be a full child, and your mind began to develop way quicker than you could even process, and that wasn't fair to you. I'm so sorry that your desperate cries for help were constantly treated as over exaggerations, and you were met with "get over it" "it's not that serious" and "you're so sensitive" when you in fact were just experiencing foreign emotions and thoughts that you didn't understand how to process. I am so sorry I couldn't be the comforting voice and place that you desperately needed when nothing else felt safe.

I am eternally sorry for what he did to you. It was NOT your fault. You did NOT deserve that. I will NEVER let that happen to you again, EVER.

I'm sorry for the multiple traumatic events that you endured, and all the lies you believed, all the people you trusted, all of the false hope, the manipulation and that you were never given a rightful apology. I wanted to make sure you heard this while you're still alive, and not when it's too late. Nobody knows the extent of things you had to go through at such a young age, and the absolutely disgusting way you were mistreated on multiple occasions just for existing in spaces you were not understood.

I will do everything in my power to protect you from here on out. You deserved so much better.

#safespace #lemon8challenge #apology #embracevulnerability