Why I broke up with my ex-boyfriend of 2.5 years

I was with my ex-boyfriend for almost 3 years but I broke up with him sometime in June/July 2022.

It’s 2024 now and as I look back on this relationship and scroll through my old photos, it feels bittersweet but also distant and far away. Did it only happen 2 years ago? It feels like it happened many years ago.

To be honest, I always thought I’d get married and start a family with my ex-boyfriend.

My ex-boyfriend seemed like the perfect guy - handsome, well-mannered and polite, plus he had a high paying job.

Despite so, I also always knew something was off in the relationship.

I tried my best to brush it aside and look the other way, trying to reason with myself that I can overlook the issues we had in our relationship.

What was off in the relationship?

Well, I just wasn’t happy being with him.

When we first met, I had been the one initiating all of the conversations, sharing about my life and work and asking him questions.

This remained the same over the next few weeks, months, and years.

I’d start all the conversations, ask interesting questions, bringing up different topics, and plan all the dates - where to go, what to do, what to eat.

It was almost as if I was doing everything by myself.

And eventually, I started feeling stagnant.

If I kept quiet, he would similarly remain silent.

I recall walking around a park, trying to make small talk but somehow I couldn’t.

We didn’t have anything to talk about.

Being with him just didn’t make me happy.

We didn’t talk, crack jokes, tickle each other or have any playful little habits with each other.

I questioned myself - is this really a good reason to break up?

My family and especially my mother liked him. To my mother, he seemed perfect - he was polite and appeared to have good finances.

Privately however, he wasn’t perfect to me.

Whenever we quarreled, he turned into a different person, turning cold and rude towards me.

Whenever I called him out for something, he couldn’t take responsibility - he would always try and pin some sort of blame on me even though I wasn’t in the wrong.

I also had to teach him how to control his temper.

I had initially thought this is what being in a romantic relationship is like - things won’t be perfect and I have to compromise.

Over time however, I felt a seed of doubt sprout and grow in my heart.

Is he who I want to spend the rest of my life with?

Can I endure all these issues for the rest of my life?

I couldn’t answer that affirmatively.

I remember I would write to myself - a pros and cons list to evaluate the relationship as well as my thoughts about the issues in the relationship (last few pictures).

I felt like he was “good enough” but yet I had my doubts.

I felt as though he was my “Singapore dream” in a way.

I believed that if I stayed with him, I could leave my abusive mother sooner than later - so I clung onto him even though I wasn’t happy.

Eventually however, this came crashing down.

I realised that I just didn’t love him.

I realised that I didn’t have any kind of relationship with him as we hardly spoke about anything of substance, had any intimate times or any fun together.

We were just going through the motions.

I didn’t see him as anyone special or important in my life.

I realised that I can be strong on my own and I didn’t need to be with him (or anyone) to take control of my life.

One day, I just woke up and all my feelings towards him disappeared.

Two weeks later, I broke up with him.

Here’s what I learnt:

💝 Don’t settle for someone whom the world thinks is perfect but you don’t.

💝 What are you doing in a romantic relationship if you’re not happy?

💝 If you can’t see yourself being with him forever, if you can’t accept him as he is now, leave - things won’t change.