6 Things I’ve Learnt From My Last Relationship

Well, let’s just say I kind of “wasted” close to 6 years of my youth thinking he was the one, only to realise that we were both toxic for each other. So let me tell you 6 things I’ve learnt from my last relationship :)

1. Love is blind. 🕶️

Like they always say, love is blind. Not everyone can admit that they’re also at fault. It takes time, a lot of reflection & being able to feel uncomfortable with acknowledging that you’re also at fault. I admit to that, I was not a great girlfriend & I’m still learning things about myself till to this day.

2. I never loved myself enough. ❤️‍🩹

I always questioned the relationship. There were many times I wanted to leave, but always afraid of not being able to find someone. “You can’t live without me.” “I can’t live without him.” Toxic phrases I’ve heard & said over & over. Years later, I realised how this isn’t a good mindset. I realised overtime, I did not love myself enough to leave the relationship, to respect myself & my time.

3. Be the kind of partner you want to find.🪞

I realise I needed someone who can communicate, be emotionally mature & empathetic. So in order to find that kind of partner I want, I’ve decided TO BE the kind of partner I want to find. I started to become more communicative to others with how I truly feel. I used to always bottle it inside, only to blow it up after bottling them for so long & that’s an old unhealthy trait of mine now.

4. I will never settle for less again. ✔️

Since knowing the qualities I want in a partner, I’ve learnt to never settle for less ever again. Single for 3 years now, dated only once & that didn’t last very long either. That last date was a refresher for me to never settle again, a reminder for the qualities I’ve always wanted in a man. I’m usually very picky with who I let in my life, so I don’t date very often. I tend to stay far back & observe those whom I find attractive first. Usually with time, I see some of the qualities that I don’t like in a partner that leads me to not date the person. I guess sometimes it pays to be patient!

5. It’s okay to grief even if it was toxic. 💔

I always allowed myself to feel the grief when we broke up a couple of times in the past. But after being together for almost 6 years, I got very tired & I’ve finally let go. He hit me up on the DMs once, but I didn’t give a reply. That was one of my proudest moments & small but greatest achievements to me. To not entertain the past, to finally leave it all behind. Although I didn’t grief on the last, I’ve seen some friends who grief over their toxic relationships. And I’m here to say that it’s okay to grief! Who are we to invalidate one’s emotions? We’re only human and we all have feelings :)

6. The most important relationship is the one with yourself. 🫶🏼

“Plus, I met someone else. We're havin' better discussions. I know they say I move on too fast, but this one gon' last.”

When I first heard these lyrics, I remember thinking to myself “Oh? She found someone else?”

“'Cause her name is Ari and I'm so good with that.”

I remember saying “Oh, I’m so proud of her!” And that’s when it hit me, why didn’t I love myself enough back then?

What am I gonna’ do now that I’m single? I had so many questions on how to love myself. When I was 16, so many adults kept giving the same advice “You must learn to love yourself” but I never asked how or why.

Another occurring thought I always had “Why do I keep wanting to have a partner? Why don’t I just… date myself?”

And that’s how I started going out alone 🙂 Ever since knowing how to do this, a lot of friends & mutuals have been asking how I do it. Always thankful for the lovely & encouraging DMs when I post about my alone dates ♡

No bad blood between us, I respect that he ended it. I NEEDED that. I needed that breakup for me to realise that I needed to love myself a whole lot more & that I deserve so much more. So, yes I’m grateful for my ex. Thank you for the lessons I’ve learnt & there’s still more to learn about myself & in future relationships! :)

In order to live, you gotta let go :)

♡

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