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š“TW: pregnancy loss and abortionš“
Iāve never talked about this publicly before, but I feel like itās something that absolutely needs to be talked about. 10 months after having my son I experienced an ectopic pregnancy that almost took my life, and how an abortion saved it.
Hereās my story:
the second week of July 2021 I got, what I though, was my period. It was only my second or third since having my son so I didnāt think much about how heavy it was. After day 8 or 9 I was still spotting but again didnāt think much of it since I was still in the early parts of postpartum. I bled for another week before I called my doctor who didnāt have an opening for another week, I didnāt think it was much of an emergency since I was just spotting. It started to become very uncomfortable to lift my son, his car seat, anything heavy really.
One day early at work I started to bleed heavy nonstop, through a tampon and pad within an hour. I told my managers I thought something was wrong but they encouraged me to try and make it through the day. By about 10 am the discomfort set in, walking started to feel weird and the bleeding only increases, I was asking for bathroom breaks every 45 minutes, bleeding down my legs. I wasnāt sent home because we were so short staffed and I worked in childcare. Around noon my tampon came out of my body, when I went to put a new one in, there was so space, it was swollen. Everything between my belly button to the middle of my thigh was swollen. After a Few google searches I was convinced it has something to do with my iud. I alerted my manager who told me that someone she knew also has an iud, had a similar experience but ended up just having some hormonal issue. So in the middle of y classrooms nap, I called the office that inserted my iud. The nurse told me to go to the ER immediately and not to wait until my appointment (that was only three days away) I told my manager what the office had told me and she asked me if I was sure I couldnāt finish the day, or at least make it until a certain timeš« my partner was at work and couldnāt get out, so I called my mo, to come pick me up and he would meet us there as soon as he could. I had to tell my managers they had an hour before I left.
At the hospital I was immediately taken back, put in a gown, and off for an ultrasound. Since I was so swollen they had to use the wand, and omg it was painfulā¦ soon after that I was told I was experiencing an ectopic pregnancy, they referred to it as a āMassā (more on that later) that was 8 weeks big. My partner arrived, we delivered him the news and things were being prepped to get me into surgery. My mom took my son home with her and it was just my partner and I waiting. Mind you, this was the first time my son and I would be apart over night and this was the first time I had ever had surgery. My anxiety was so bad I was shaking, my partner is amazing though and he held me through it all.
Before surgery the doctor came in to tell me they would be taking out my right falopian tube. She explained how the mass was too large to take out on its own. She also said I was less than 24 hours away from the mass erupting my tube, which would have cause me to internally bleed. I was basically walking up to deaths door step. She was a bit teary eyes and apologized, she was so somber. I asked her if having more children would be complicated later and she said there would be no problem for me to have more kids that I was just so young. I told her not to apologize and get this things out of me!š she explained the swelling was due to inflammation and my body filling with water. They also were going to drain some cysts for me (bonus!)
Calling it a āmassā was surprisingly comforting. Yes, it was a pregnancy, and a potential baby, but it wasnāt viable, it wasnāt something that could have been saved even if I wanted it to be. The only phrases used were āectopic pregnancyā and āmassā never baby, never fetus, nothing that would remind a patient of what theyāre losing, especially if this was meant to be an intentional pregnancy. This was such a surprise to me that I didnāt even process it as being a potential baby for a long time. I was so scared and in pain, I only cared about getting it out!
After surgery I was released the next day and told to take two weeks to recover. Unfortunately, ever since the surgery Iāve had the worst periods of my lifeš« Getting pregnant a second time wasnāt challenging at all like the doctor had told me. The ectopic pregnancy didnāt impact my second pregnancy at all.
However, my experience with my hormones and periods has been nothing short of awful. Iāll probably make a separate post for that!
I think back on what could have been and to be completely transparent, Iām happy I didnāt have a baby. My son was barely 10 months old, I just turned 24, I wasnāt ready at all. I had an abortion to save my life, I had an abortion because it was medically necessary, I had an abortion because itās healthcare!
#Lemon8Diary #lemon8diarychallenge #pregnancyjourney #ectopicpregnancysurvivor #ectopicpregnancyawareness #childloss #abortion #mamasoflemon8 #momsoflemon8 #embracevulnerability