We project as a way to protect ourselves.

Back when I was taking introductory psychology class in university, one of the basic stuff that I learned was the different types of psychological defense mechanisms that all of us have.

There was one particular defense mechanism that was most memorable to me, because I felt like it was incredibly relevant to everyday life and I have been seeing it everywhere (including myself sometimes, if I do catch myself).

That psychological defense mechanism is projection.

Projection is a psychological defense mechanism where a person unconsciously attributes their own undesirable thoughts, feelings, or impulses to someone else.

Instead of recognizing these traits or emotions in themselves, they see them in others. This mechanism helps individuals avoid dealing with uncomfortable or distressing emotions by shifting the focus outward.

For example, if someone feels insecure about their own level of ambition, they might accuse others of being lazy or unmotivated. Similarly, a person who feels guilty about being angry might accuse someone else of being angry with them. By projecting these unwanted aspects onto others, they can protect their self-esteem and reduce internal conflict, even though the underlying issue remains unresolved.

Basically it’s the idea that someone is calling you out for something that they are guilty of. By accusing and guilt-tripping someone of “the negative feeling they themselves are feeling”, it somehow alleviates them of that “negative feeling”.

Unfortunately, this is an act of making others feel worse just to make themselves feel better.

Projection is pretty common and you shouldn’t be foreign to it, even if you didn’t know about the term previously. It is actually everywhere around you.

For example,

1. Relationships: Someone who feels attracted to other people while in a committed relationship might accuse their partner of being unfaithful or flirtatious. It’s a way to deflect their own feelings of guilt or attraction onto the other person, avoiding the discomfort of acknowledging those feelings within themselves.

2. Parenting:

a. A parent who always wanted to be an athlete might push their child excessively in sports, even if the child shows little interest. The parent projects their own unfulfilled ambitions onto the child, treating the child's success as a reflection of their own worth.

b. When a parent has had a stressful day at work and is in a bad mood, they might get angry at their child for "making too much noise" or "being too hyper." The real issue is the parent’s own stress, but they project it onto the child to avoid dealing with their own emotions.

3. Workplace:

a. An employee who made a mistake on a project might accuse a colleague of not providing clear instructions, even if the instructions were adequate. This shifts the blame away from their own error and places it on the colleague, avoiding the discomfort of accepting responsibility.

b. A manager who recently overlooked an important detail in a report might start micromanaging their team, claiming that "people aren’t paying enough attention to detail." This projection allows the manager to avoid dealing with their own error by focusing excessively on potential mistakes made by their team.

I would like to share this quote from the book, “The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children)” by Philippa Perry, which I thought was particularly relevant here.

“What irritates you is probably an locked feeling/memory”

I personally feel that projection is connected to our unresolved emotions. It usually suggests that there’s something beneath the surface that we haven’t fully dealt with.

If something or someone is really getting under our skin, maybe it’s worth examining why that’s happening instead of assuming the issue is entirely external.

It’s not easy to catch yourself in the act of projecting. It’s almost like an involuntary response, trying to protect you from dealing with uncomfortable truths.

But knowing about it makes a difference.

It’s a reminder to pause and ask, “What’s really going on here? Am I upset because of something external, or am I projecting my own insecurities?”

More often than not, that reflection alone helps put things in perspective.

And you can use the same idea when someone else is projecting their emotions onto you.

All in all, the tendency to project is just a part of human nature, whether we recognize it or not.

And the better we get at spotting it, the more we can understand not just others, but ourselves.

And I strongly believe that if everyone is able to better understand themselves and minimize projecting their negative emotions onto others, the world will become a better place for sure.

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#MyLemon8Diary #psychology #MentalHealth #selfawareness #mindfulness