Can I be my own best partner?

How would I describe my relationship with myself as of now?

I’d say I find that I am way closer to myself than before. I think I previously touched on this in

my other post about self-love.

Maybe it’s because I’m making a conscious effort to channel all my energy towards myself right now instead of focusing on other people.

I’ve also been keeping a dream journal for months now. The initial objective was to track my deja reve “ability” (see this post), but it has been quite intriguing to look at my dream notes and try to interpret and decipher my dreams. I personally think that doing so provides a glimpse into my subconscious state of mind. For instance, if you dream of running away from something, it could suggest a particular fear you have in real life.

Recently, I’ve felt very “awake” during my dreams and have experienced more control over them. There’s often a sense of helplessness in dreams, but lately, I feel pretty empowered. This empowerment may translate to a certain level of confidence I have in my real life and about myself.

I identify as an ambivert, but most people around me perceive me as an extrovert (fair enough). I thrive in social settings and enjoy being around people, but I equally cherish my quiet, “me-time.”

Lately, I have certain lingering thoughts, which suggest that I might be very comfortable being alone for life. I feel quite satisfied with where I am and just being with myself. It’s liberating, yet I recognize that this thought can also be a bit scary. The fear lies in the idea that I could become too comfortable being alone and avoid attachments again. But honestly, I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with that.

I’ve also been more honest with myself regarding my feelings and thoughts. As humans, we often fear judgment. I tend to overthink a lot, but I’ve learned to accept all my feelings, be it positive or negative. When those feelings become too overwhelming, I will just pen them down privately (if they’re too much to share on Lemon8).

And when it comes to relationships with other people or being judged by others, I feel less affected by it nowadays. I still care a little, but not nearly as much as before. For example, I have friends who take ages to reply to texts (like days, weeks, or even months). It used to bother me, but I don’t care as much now. If it’s important, I might prompt them or even call, but if it’s not urgent, then so be it. People have their own priorities, and unfortunately, I may not always be one of them.

This used to bother me because I usually reply pretty fast, either immediately or at least within 8 hours or the day. But now, if someone doesn’t reply, it’s okay. I have my own life to attend to. I am also becoming comfortable with not replying people immediately (because I don’t want to lose my focus).

While I’m not working a full-time job right now, I fill my schedule to the brim, rushing to complete the next task. Just like writing this Lemon8 post.

In case anyone is curious, my posts are usually fresh out of the oven. I write my posts on the day itself, and I often don’t know what I want to write for the next day until the day arrives. Unless I have certain commitments (like a part-time job or being out most of the day), that’s when I will try to write more posts in advance and save them. So if you see a post that goes up early, it’s usually completed ahead of time. If not, you’ll see me wrecking my brain every day, squeezing my brain juice for ideas.

Okay, I side-tracked a bit.

As I was saying, I just focus on my own work and continue with my life. I think online dating has helped with this perspective, too, because I’ve met many people who take ages to reply or ghost me entirely. So, in some way, I’ve been “trained” well. It was definitely tough training but I have emerged stronger.

The thing is, you can’t pause your life waiting for other people. Time flows with or without you. Their lives will go on too, with or without you. If you’re a priority to them, they’ll pause for you. There might be exceptions, but I think this is true for most cases.

And I think, writing on Lemon8 all these while has helped me to understand myself better in so many ways. I feel like I have lesser and lesser knots to untie. I’m starting to feel that I don’t really have much to talk about myself anymore. It’s kind of a good thing, right? Hahah.

Overall, I feel like I have nurtured a healthier relationship with myself. I’m learning to appreciate solitude, embrace my feelings, and prioritize my well-being above all.

We are always the most important person in our own lives. Life is a journey, and I know that I can always be that reliable partner for myself to count on.

And what about you, what’s your relationship with yourself like?

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#MyLemon8Diary #WhyILemon8 #MentalHealth #selflove #solo