4th Trimester

I feel exhausted taking care of my baby, but I also dont want to trouble my parents/ in-law too much as they’re old and even more tiring for them.

I feel exhausted having to pump every 3-4 hours, but I also hope to feed her breastmilk as long as I could.

I feel like escaping when my baby started crying uncontrollably, even after doing all i could thought of and still dont know what she wants. But I know I will blame myself, worry & miss her if I pass her to someone else.

I dread of nightime whenever I need to take care of her alone as I scare I cant manage her & the routine. I need to pump, change diaper, feed her, coax her to sleep, wash the bottles & pump parts, sanitised. There were times I delayed my pump schedule as she woke up earlier for her feed and started crying whenever I put her down. I felt so helpless as my boobs are full and I am so afraid of engorgement. There were times where I didnt even get to sleep and the next cycle begins again.

I usually will be in the room with baby at 7pm plus to prep her to sleep & feel upset that I have no social life and I miss going out with friends at night. But I am also afraid my baby will keep crying if she cant find me at night.

Tbh, I dont really enjoy motherhood. But I know I need to be a responsible mum and be there for my baby.

Just want to pen my thoughts down as I know I am not alone. I believe all mothers will face all these too, just that they did not say out.

So to all mothers, 我们是很伟大的 🤭. No wonder there is this song called 世上只有妈妈好 🌸

#RealTalk #motherhood #firsttimemom #MyLemon8Diary #momlife