OLDEST DAUGHTER TRAUMA🌸✨

I survived oldest daughter trauma and here’s my story…

Disclaimer: I want everyone to know that my page is a safe space and you are more than welcome to express yourself here without fear of judgement.🩷

My mom had me when she was 16 and we didn’t grow up in the best environment. When I was 6 she remarried and had my younger brother. We lost his dad when he was 2. From then on it was just the three of us.

We moved states and my mom became an RN and was doubling full time work and school to get her masters. She was always busy so this left running the household and partially raising my brother to me.

At the age of 8 it started with just cleaning up after myself which turned into cleaning up after my brother. That then turned into changing his diapers, bathing him, feeding us both, and watching him while my mom was gone for work.

By the time I turned 16 everything had doubled. I had my license so I would be responsible for driving us both to school and back home. I was told to go grocery shopping and then cook meals for the whole family. My brother wasn’t so little anymore and created more mess around the whole house. No one would clean anything if I didn’t.

It became an endless cycle of school, work (as I had gotten my first job), clean the whole house, do everyone’s laundry, cook for everyone, and run errands. I wasn’t allowed to do activities like I enjoyed such as joining cheer, or going out with friends because the household responsibilities were more important.

I didn’t think anything of it until the morning before school when my brother came to me and asked me to sign his permission slips. I asked “Where’s mom?” and he responded, “She’s not here”. I sighed and signed the papers for him. That day was the day everything hit me and I felt burnt out.

My sudden lack of contributing my all to the household caused my mom to raise concerns, asking why I was so exhausted all the time. She asked, “What is wrong with you?” and I responded “Mom it feels like I’m your wife”. That comment started the pivot in our relationship.

She told me that I was disrespectful, ungrateful, unappreciative, spoiled, and could never understand where I was coming from. Her words “You never help”, “You need to contribute to our household too”, the constant yelling at me, boxing up all my things threatening to kick me out, and grounding or taking my phone for not meeting her high expectations traumatized me.

I began to back off and just stayed in my room. I still did everything, just in silence, afraid that speaking up about how I felt would result in punishment cause it always did.

Senior year of high school was the hardest. We moved states again and all I could do was wait for the day to leave home and go to college. With the distance my mom became nicer and I thought there was hope in restoring our relationship.

After my first year of college I came back home for the summer to find that nothing had changed. I was still expected to do everything around the house while she went out shopping and my brother went to play with friends. I went into a deep depression and continued to move in silence and this enraged my mom.

She pulled me aside to say it seems like I hated it there and that she didn’t want me living with her if I were going to act like that. I stayed silent to this comment. She said I had to say something so I replied with how I felt. She deflected everything I said and began to trauma dump onto me. I went silent again.

She got upset and wanted me out of the house so I left her room to pack my things. That only made her more mad so she responded with physical violence. I called my aunt and she came to get me and I moved back to our hometown to live with my uncle until school started again.

Life has been hard with barely having any support but the freedom to work on my mental health has finally started now that I’ve been going to counseling. I can free myself from the trauma I experienced growing up in my household and break generational curses.

If you have been through or are going through a similar experience I want you to know that you are seen. You are enough. I know it’s hard but it will get better and you will not be forever bound to the hardships that being the oldest daughter can come with. Feel free to reach out in the comments or message me for any questions💓

Tags✨: @Lemon8 Wellness @Lemon8 US

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