Allow Me To Be Vulnerable 🦋🤍✨

Sometimes, life breaks you down in ways you never see coming. In 2020, I lost my dad in a way that cut me to the core, and the year after, I lost my fiancé—the person I thought I’d spend forever with. That pain drew me closer to God, but honestly, I felt like I was losing myself at the same time. Somewhere in all that heartbreak, I’ve realized that brokenness isn’t the end. It’s where God meets you to help put the pieces back together, even if it feels impossible some days. I’m still figuring things out, but I’m grateful to say I’ve healed.

It’s the memories that get me from time to time, though. They linger, and sometimes they hit unexpectedly. But through it all, I thank God for staying present, guiding me forward even when I couldn’t see the way myself.

One thing that got me through this was the Serenity Prayer. My granny, who has been like a mom to me, told me to say it to myself every day, promising that things would get better. She’s lost a boyfriend and a husband, so she knows the pain of deep loss. I love my granny beyond words; we even share the same birthday, which feels like a special bond. She has such a strong place in my heart and has been just as supportive as my parents.

I’m not gonna lie, I was drinking more often—not to the point of addiction, but enough to notice—and I was swiping my credit card left and right, putting myself in debt just to feel a bit of relief. I tried counseling, but it only lasted two weeks, and I didn’t look for more help after that. I put myself in a hole I’m still climbing out of.

Losing people like this? It doesn’t just go away. It softens, but it stays with you. I’m not sure if this is some lesson God’s trying to teach me or just part of life, but it’s hard. And honestly, I hate that it’s turned into an excuse for men who come around, say they want something real, and then dip because “I’m still healing”—when they haven’t even asked how I’m really doing. So dating is rough and the urge to just walk away from continuing to keep doing it is strong.

But one thing I do know? I’m stronger. I trust that God doesn’t make mistakes and that He’s given me these battles because He knows I can handle them. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). Somehow, in my pain, He’s working, carrying me through it.

It’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to take your time. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him” (Romans 8:28). Just keep going, keep healing. God sees you, every tear, every hard day. If you’re out there feeling lost in your own loss, know you’re not alone.

#FaithThroughLoss #HealingJourney #Resilience