My Life 🍋 Living with PTSD & Following my Dreams

🍋35 to 35 - Birthday Countdown - Day 28 🎂

The more I go through Lemon8 , the more inspired I get to really share my story, talk about the things that are important to me, and connect with others to do the same.

So over the weekend I did something crazy and silly - that I really want to do - I applied for Coco Rocha’s Modeling Camp. If you don’t know who she is, she’s this amazing models and runway star who created this camp for people who want to pursue a career in modeling. The application said that Coco reviews them all ( which I didn’t know if I believed) and I had to answer the simple question of “why do you want to be in CRMC?”

Like many times before over these last few years, I completely choked on what to write - it’s not about “being a model,” I’m not that vain despite what my Instagram might look like some days 😅. But I really thought about why I wanted to do this, just like other things I’ve wanted to do but have practically hid from sharing the real story for so long. I finally wrote out what inspired me to apply and what it would mean to me. It’s something I’ve been practicing saying out loud since I created my honest pitch video to the executive producers of the Harry Potter films to be in the upcoming series…I almost died and survived something horrific that traumatized me - but gave me something bigger to live for - my dreams, my life, my family, and will to keep going.

Here is what I wrote to Coco Rocha, it has a bit of my story in it, if you like this I will start talking about it more and what I’ve done to overcome my PTSD:

​WHY DO YOU WANT TO ATTEND CRMC?: My name is Jordan Elizabeth Gelber, I’m a New York City-based actress, content creator, and entrepreneur – but at my heart, I’m a girl looking to rediscover herself and go after my dreams again with vigor.

OK, Why do I want to attend CRMC?

I thought a lot about this question, it actually took me 4 days to have the courage to be honest and really write out my true feelings. But it’s officially 31 days until my 35th birthday, at the time of writing this, and excuse my language, but Fuck It – after everything that’s gone on in the world the last few years, life is too short to be afraid of anything, and I have also been seeing signs everywhere for me to apply. The last one being that one of my clients had previously worked with Coco Rocha and we were clipping parts of it for their social media.

However, the main reason is that a few years ago I almost lost my life and left my abusive relationship – and I vowed that after everything that happened to me, I didn’t survive to not follow my dreams and go after the life I wanted.

In 2019, I left the most debilitating years of my life, it was scary and I was heartbroken – not just because I thought I lost the love of my life – but because I didn’t know anything else as my whole identity had been stripped to nothing but beyond the perfect girlfriend. What I overcame these last few years to get my life back did not come without a price – I didn’t know who I was anymore or what I wanted, I had to reconnect with those parts of myself.

My boyfriend at that time was also an actor/model and the physical/emotional/and psychological abuse really ruined my love my craft. He made me feel like I wasn’t pretty enough, thin enough, talented enough, and also would yell at me if I expressed my femininity and sexuality in any way. I started losing control of my body, not taking care of myself, and my biggest insecurities took over the once strong confidence that I had. I was ashamed of how I looked and would cover myself instead of allowing myself to shine.

My main reasoning for wanting to attend CRMC is that I want to take control of my life again, connect with my body as an artist for the first time in forever, and truly embrace my femininity as the badass 35 year old woman I am today…. And I want to help others do the same. I also love the fashion industry and expressing myself through what I wear.

When I was younger I was told I’m too fat, when I was in my late teens/20s it was “im too short and too fat,” and now in my 30’s I want to inspire others to not worry about what others think or say and JUST DO IT.

I 've always wanted to model and act since I was very young, and although I've had some semblance of success - the struggle has always been, overcoming the disconnect I have with my body.

Coco Rocha is such an inspiration to me as a model and female entrepreneur, and I’m in awe of how connected she is to her body – she creates art with every movement and determination.

I want to learn how to do that, how to put myself out there again, and how to use every part of myself as an artist.

I’m ready to take the next step into my career. I don’t want another 10 years to go by, sitting on the sidelines while everyone around continues to take risks. This is completely out of my comfort zone and I couldn’t be more excited at the opportunity to work with this amazing modeling camp.

Thank you for reading this and thank you for all that you do – it was truly the fact that I saw so many diverse individuals of heights, sizes, and genders, who have gone through the camp, that iinspired me to apply. Whether I’m invited or not, I really appreciate this opportunity to submit and look forward to hearing back from you.

Thank you!

Jordan

​💌 UPDATE: I got accepted & Coco Rocha even messaged me on Instagram, im going in FEB!

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